Monday, February 16, 2009

A bit of a whine fest

I've spent the past five days feeling awful. Today I stayed in bed and read from 8-10. Then I went upstairs, curled up on the floor in a pile of blankets next to the heater and watched an Ace of Cakes marathon on the Food Network.

I didn't sleep very much last night and I feel horrible. My energy level is super low and my right hand tremor has returned with a vengeance, but my heart rate is way lower than it usually is. When my thyroid levels go off balance my heart rate is usually the first thing to alert me to a change. Since that's not happening, I'm not sure if the reason I'm feeling ill is because of the usual culprit, or if it's something else.

I walk a fine line between being well enough to function and too ill to do much besides sleep. With medication I've been able to stay fairly healthy for the past 3 years, but I haven't felt completely well for about 6 years now.

This week is going to be a good one and I don't want the good parts to be ruined by a lack of appetite, nausea or general malaise. On Sunday I spent time with good friends who moved to Seattle a while back. On Wednesday I am having dinner with an old co-worker and on Thursday I hope to have lunch with a friend from university.

However, my excitement about all of this is overshadowed by how I've been feeling lately. And it's not just a physical feeling either; I've been feeling out of sync emotionally as well. There's a few things I am very, very frustrated about right now and I know there's nothing I can do to change those feelings of frustration. I'm also feeling very bitter and angry about some events that happened recently, but to mention my feelings would be pointless and I know to do so would be petty.

Overall, I would classify myself as grumpy.

My husband is married to his X-Box which drives me crazy. And it's made worse by the fact that he plays online with his friends. If I hear him scream "You watch the windows! Watch my back, man!" one more time, I just may lose my mind and destroy his X-Box. Plus I get snapped at whenever I venture upstairs to ask a question. His life is at stake! How dare I interrupt him?!

I know life is a series of ups and downs, but I feel like I've been down for most of 2009. As I mentioned in a previous post, January is a hard, hard month for me. And at this point, February isn't shaping up to be much better.

Grumpy and whiny has been my m.o for most of '09 thus far. I hope I snap out of it soon, because I'm starting to get tired of myself.

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