Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Big Changes

And I'm not just talking about the baby!

Jonathan accepted a new position today. He will be working at the hospital, with a cardiologist group, but not for the hospital. He was offered the job on Saturday, he signed the preliminary contract today. We had four long days, there were some tears, a bit of frustration, but I think it's a good change. I'm a little overwhelmed, but I'm also excited. Jonathan will have a steady schedule (probably 7-4), he will work Monday - Friday and he won't have any call. He will only be able to get one week off when the baby comes, instead of two, but my mom and sisters will help me so I'm sure I will be fine.

I'm doing my best to put on some weight before my prenatal appointment on the 1st. Right now it feels like one step forward, three steps back. I gained 5 lbs, but then I lost 3. I've decided not to weigh myself again until March 1st. I've been feeling really sick to my stomach, but I'm still trying to eat as much as I can.

My little girl moves around a lot. I can't believe I start the third trimester on Friday. She's already kicking so much and she doesn't let me sleep past 5 in the morning. I'm sitting here right now with a slightly bloody nose, a stomach ache and the baby is kicking like crazy. I am so ready to be done with this pregnancy!

I'm exhausted so the coherency of this post is rapidly falling apart. It's definitely time for me to try and get some sleep!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Tough Week

This week has sucked. By Tuesday afternoon I was ready to crawl underneath the covers and wait for the rest of the week to pass over.

On Monday morning I had a prenatal appointment which did not go as well as I would have liked. My appetite has been way down and I only gained 1 lb, for a whopping total of 11 lbs so far, since my last appointment. I am now on protein smoothies and eating every couple hours instead of waiting until I'm hungry. I stepped on the scale this morning hoping to see a bit of a weight gain, but so far no results. Then my midwife was listening to the baby's heartbeat and discovered an arrhythmia. It was so scary to lay there on the bed and hear my little girl's heart skip every 7th or 8th beat. When I saw Jonathan lean forward in his chair at the end of the bed, put his head in his hands and concentrate on listening to the beats I started to wonder if there could be something wrong with our baby. My midwife called a specialist she knows in Eugene and they decided we needed to come down for an appointment as soon as possible. Early Wednesday morning we drove down to Eugene and after a long scan and a brief meeting with the doctor learned that our baby was okay. She has a benign fetal heart arrhythmia which should go away once she is born. We also learned that my thyroid disease, and the medication I am on, is not causing the heart problem.

On Tuesday afternoon, when I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my baby could have a heart problem, I received heart wrenching news. My brother's mother-in-law was found in her home Tuesday afternoon. She was struggling with mental illness and chose to end her pain. This is not a complete shock, she was very, very ill, but I feel a great sadness for my sister-in-law and her sister. My sister-in-law, Emily, is 23 but her sister Claire is only 16. Claire has been living with Emily for quite some time now because it wasn't healthy, or safe, for her to live at home. This has been a crappy year for Emily all around and the year prior wasn't great either. My brother has been in Iraq since August of 2008 and she has had a few medical problems this year. Thankfully my brother is on his way home from Iraq right now. My parents were able to get a message to him through the Red Cross on Wednesday and he was able to get off the base today.

I don't think it's possible to truly understand the situation Emily has been in, or what she and her sister are going through right now. I do know I am very, very sorry they have had to experience so much pain and that they have lost their mother when they are still so young. Whether you are talking about losing a parent to cancer, a car accident, mental illness, or some other disease that is never, ever fair.

On Friday it was almost a relief to go to work. At work I can ring customers up, answer the phone, talk books and shut my brain off. My boss brought pastries in on Friday morning because she knows I'm supposed to gain 1 or 2 lbs before my next prenatal appointment. And she is kind and the best boss I have ever had. She knows food will always, always cheer me up. It was so nice to sit at my desk, eat a pastry and flip through book catalogs.

I don't understand why weeks, or months, like this happen. Sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong at once and all a person can do is step back, let things fall apart, and then sift through the wreckage and try to repair what can be repaired. My hope is that Emily and Claire will be able to find some peace and hope through this situation. It may take a long time, but I believe it is possible.


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