My sister is 24 weeks pregnant with a little girl. She has a uterine septum, which the doctors were going to fix, but before they could she conceived this little darling. (This baby was created around the time Charlotte died. They tried for two years, gave up trying, and then she found out she was pregnant). The doctors warned her from the beginning that the pregnancy may not be viable. Her first is considered a miracle baby, and there is concern that this one will not survive. I haven't written about her before because she wanted to keep the pregnancy quiet for a while. On Sunday she went into labor. They were able to stop the labor, the baby is okay, but she is on bed rest. It is incomprehensible to me that we could both lose our daughters in such a short time period. So I don't think about it. Instead I think of her little girl surviving, fighting to the end, and blessing her parents lives. The doctors want her to make it to 35 weeks, if possible.
I haven't seen my sister since September. I don't have the courage, there's simply too many triggers. I also possess an irrational fear that I kill baby girls. And with her little one's life hanging in the balance it all seems more precarious and dangerous. I am trying to find the bravery to visit her soon.
Her bed rest situation is made more difficult by the fact that her husband is living and working in Idaho right now. The entire family moved there for a while, but with the pregnancy being so risky she is back in Oregon where her specialists are.
When - if - I work up the nerve to see her I would like to take her some words of encouragement. If you feel like you have something to say, if you have been where she is, or if you just want to add a bit of sunshine to her life will you please send me an e-mail or mail me a card to pass on to her? (If you need my address please e-mail me). I would like to put together a little packet of hope and love for her as she waits and hopes for her little girl.
I don't know what happens to a family that loses two babies. What happens to grandparents who lose two granddaughters? What happens to sisters who have to say good-bye to their babies too soon? My dear sister has lived under the cloud of my nephew's cancer for four years now. To have this on top of that seems excessive, but sometimes life just is excessively painful.
When I was in the hospital my sister came to say hello and good-bye to Charlotte. She walked up to my midwife and said, "Don't worry, I know what to do. Bad stuff always happens to our family." My midwife was a bit stunned by her comment, but right now it certainly seems as if the cards are stacked against us.
Please send prayer, love, light, hope, good wishes, and anything else you may have in your arsenal.
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15 comments:
Sending them. Sending all the thoughts I can.
The baby in the bed next to Freddie was born at 26 weeks. He's alive and well now. In fact all his room mates are. And he was the only full term one. It can go right.
Ugh, how awful for your family! You guys truly have been through far more than any family should endure. Sending love and hope for your sister and niece. I went into labor at 23wks and sadly they were unable to stop things. I hope that things go better for your sister. When we went through our loss people just reaching out to us meant more than anything else. Being there, sending e-mails, cards and calls was worth so much. Keeping you and your family close tonight ((hugs))
I will pray diligently.
I feel your pain. My SIL is pregnant now and at 25 weeks (the same gestation I lost my daughter Mikayla) she started having cervical changes. She was put on full bedrest and thankfully she is currently 37+ weeks and will hopefully deliver a healthy baby any day. It was so hard for me to even THINK about the possibility that our family could lose two babies within a few months. I have prayed every day for that baby, and it is so hard to keep your mind from travelling to the worst case scenario when it's just happened to you. I hope that things go well for your sister and that you are able to find some peace in this situation as well. It has been a difficult journey for me as well, but one that I feel I must face as part of my healing. Hugs to you!
I'm thinking of you and your sister and offering hope to the universe that she makes it to 35 weeks.
These things always seem to come in groups. One of things that made losing our son such a sucker punch is that my brother in law had lost his twin boys at 8 months just a few years before. Between us we have three girls. It's like we are doomed to never have a son in this generation.
I hope your family's chain of tragedy has already ended. You guys have been through enough.
All I have is a story to pass along. My best friend's water broke at 24 weeks. She was on hospital bedrest for 8 weeks and delivered at 32. Her boy spent about 7 weeks in the NICU but he is now a thriving healthy wonderful 18 month old boy. In fact, they were just here for dinner and just left our house 5 minutes ago. I will be sending good thoughts to your sister and her baby girl, hoping for s similarly great outcome.
hello- i have been reading here for a while. i am so sorry for your loss. i lost baby girl at 31 weeks pregnancy. I have two living children, both my babies came early because I have a uterine septum. they came at 37 ad 38 weeks. And then, my third was born still because her umbilical cord was a marginal insertion. I wanted to tell you to not give up hope for your sister, it is good she is on bed rest, and that they are monitoring her closely, a uterine septum can make problems but it is not a very uncommon thing for a woman to have. i just wanted to say that there is hope. and there is hope for you too, so much hope. thinking of you...
I don't really know what to say other than I am sorry this is happening and that I am hoping that the bed rest gets her to where she needs to be.
Oh Angela. I am so sorry to read this. My heart breaks for your sister and for you and for your entire family.
As you know, my girls were born at 23 weeks as my labour couldn't be stopped. I'm extremely lucky to have a surviving child, it is a possibility even at such an early stage. As Merry says, it can go right. But it is not a path I would wish on anybody. I will be hoping and praying for your sister to make it to 35 weeks when the risks from premature birth will be so much smaller.
My SIL lost a baby boy about seven years before I lost my daughter so my in laws have lost two grandchildren. Two of their three children have lost children and their remaining child had to go through IVF to have his. Sometimes I'm surprised that it hasn't broken our family to pieces. But we are still here and I think we have love and appreciate the children that we do have in our family with a little bit more ferocity than we might if everything had been easy for us. Not much consolation though.
As with a number of others here, I think that bad things seem to come in groups. We were all still reeling from the early birth of the twins when my SIL was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Sending every good wish to your family and especially to your sister and her little girl. xo
Angela,
Sending love to both you and your sister, and prayers and intention that all goes well for your family.
I also send hope and prayers that you find strength and courage to visit with her when it feels right for you. I don't know if it helps to hear it or not, as you yourself said it's an irrational fear, but you DON'T kill baby girls. You just don't. That's not the way it works.
much love and light to you today, as always.
thinking of your sister. xxxx
I am so sorry to hear that your sister went into labour, but am so relieved that the labour was stopped. Your family has been through far too much tragedy and it is about time that you all get a miracle. I am hoping and praying that this little girl is your miracle and that no more tragedy strikes your family.
I totally understand not seeing your sister. My sister is 4 months pregnant, but looks 5 months pregnant and I can barely stand looking at her belly. She just lives down the street so I see her at least once a week, but in many ways, I would prefer to only talk to her on the phone and see her after her baby is born.
Anyway, I'm thinking of and praying for your sister and your niece and your whole family.
Sending lots of love.
Sending lots of love. Hang in there baby girl! xxxh
Sending you huge hugs and love through all of this <3 Your family will be in my prayers!
I don't really know what to say other than I am sorry this is happening and that I am hoping that the bed rest gets her to where she needs to be.
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