Monday, December 6, 2010

12.6.10

I really want to be pregnant.  I am tired of negative tests, the sadness that comes with each new cycle, and the feelings of fear and worry.  So when my midwife offered help and advice I said sure.

Step one: try to eat only organic foods for one whole week.

My response: Really?  Not only will I have to cook, but I'll have to cook a few things I've never made before.  When I was pregnant with Charlotte I ate really well.  After she died I ate really well.  And then the summer ended and I just stopped caring.  I don't eat very much during the day and I rarely make dinner.  If I do make dinner it has to be something simple, because spending more than twenty minutes in the kitchen is overwhelming for me.

My mom helped me with my grocery shopping today (thanks mom!) and she said, "This isn't a guilt thing."  What?  How can something like this not involve guilt?  I make everything into a guilt thing.  My thought process goes something like this: If I don't eat 100% organic I'm a horrible, bad person and I'll never get pregnant.

I have to remind myself that eating a strict organic diet for one week isn't what this week is all about.  It's about being nice to myself and feeding myself and creating a happy environment for a baby.  Well, there's isn't much happy here, but at least I can make a hospitable environment for a baby.

After shopping today I feel a tiny bit of excitement.  I bought lots of fresh veggies at this new market I've been wanting to try since before Charlotte died, and I found a few simple recipes online that promote fertility.  Tonight I'm making pork chops, garlic mashed potatoes, and carrots with garlic and cilantro.  Tomorrow night I'm going to attempt wild rice cranberry pilaf.

It's only one week.  And maybe obeying a strict organic diet this week will help me get off the couch and make dinner next week and the week after.    

12 comments:

  1. i can relate to SO much in this post. ((hugs)) those meals sound delicious. hears to brighter days ahead for us both!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Angela,

    The road of TTC is a hard one, espcially when it was shorter before. I think a week of organic eating is a great step for you in so many areas. I hope this week is gentle for you and this cycle ends positively.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your menus sound DELICIOUS. I hope you post pictures!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good luck with the organic diet! I wish we lived closer and could do it together. I don't know if I'd have the willpower otherwise. Of course, if it might help me get pregnant and might help that baby live....

    Let us know if it makes you feel healthier! I started buying organic meat when I was pregnant with Cub, but didn't get a chance to eat most of it before Cub was gone. I think I'll save it for the next time, it isn't cheap!

    I was vegetarian for 5 years before Jacob died. I did eat meat a few times when I was pregnant with them. After he died, I stopped caring (and I didn't eat unless someone put food in front of me, which often included meat).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, TTC sucks!! Especially when it isn't coming as easily and as fast as we would hope. Trust me, I am a TTC veteran...2 years with Miss Harper. It is a frustrating and consuming thing to have to endure.

    With that being said, I seriously laughed out loud when I saw the titles of the websites you posted..."naturally knocked up" and "fertile kitchen". I didn't even know these sites existed...they could have come in handy 3 years ago! Thanks for sharing and let us know how they taste!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want to be that too. Pregnant I mean. I will be writing my little blurb about it shortly. Organic is not too shabby. I buy a lot of organic things, I'm a vegetarian, and I still manage to cram a whole lot of crap into my diet. Like truffle fries. I want some. I want some now!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Let us know how your first foray into cooking last night went! (How were the carrots?)

    Thinking of you, Angela.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sounds like a plan.. now if I could only pay better attention to my own eating habits.. easier said than done.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your menus sound DELICIOUS. I hope you post pictures!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sounds like a plan.. now if I could only pay better attention to my own eating habits.. easier said than done.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Angela,

    The road of TTC is a hard one, espcially when it was shorter before. I think a week of organic eating is a great step for you in so many areas. I hope this week is gentle for you and this cycle ends positively.

    ReplyDelete

thank you!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 
Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved