Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Day two of eating organic and loving myself. This morning I made a smoothie for breakfast. When I was pregnant and struggling to eat enough calories (everything made me nauseated) the good people at the birth center recommended smoothies. I whined and complained about having to make smoothies, but soon fell in love with them.
This morning I crammed so much into my smoothie I want to eat chocolate for the rest of the day. I used frozen blueberries, frozen raspberries, yogurt, keifer, flax seed, spinach, and protein powder. The protein powder was the only non-organic ingredient, but I used it anyway because it helps me avoid snacking before lunch.
Last night's dinner was really good. (The carrots were amazing. I highly recommend it as a side dish). The best part wasn't the food, but the fact that J came home, saw me making dinner, and asked how he could help. We made dinner together, we chatted about his day at work, and then we ate dinner in the dining room! Usually he comes home, says hello to the dog and me, changes out of his scrubs, and then heads out to the woodshed to chop wood (So therapeutic. Come over anytime if you need to release some anger) or upstairs to his computer. And we rarely eat dinner in the dining room.
(This is why I listen to my midwife. She tells me to make food, to eat organic, to be kind to myself, and in the process J and I connect, and talk, and cook, and eat, and spend time together. Midwives know best).
Last night when J said the blessing over our dinner he prayed for the organic diet to have an impact so that we can have a little one in our lives. I get so caught up in how I feel and what I want I forget that he has wants, feelings, needs, and fears. Last night was the second time in as many days when he has mentioned the desire to have a baby in our arms, not just our hearts. When he talks about how he feels it's so rare and unexpected I feel like a bomb has detonated, and I am left standing in the aftermath with my mouth hanging open in shock and confusion. I am slowly learning that I need to listen to him, pay attention to him, be less selfish.
I am making chicken broth today for soup later in the week and tonight is an entirely new dinner and venture. It's nice to have something to focus on other than how sad and weepy I am. It's nice to think about vegetables, smoothies, and how grateful I am for organic bunny crackers (like goldfish crackers, but so much better) instead of how miserable and sad I am. And speaking of that, I just want to take a quick moment here and say thank you to everyone who is sending gifts, cards, and sweet little reminders of Charlotte our way. Every day I receive a gift (or two!) in the mail and it warms this sad mama's heart to know there are others thinking of her sweet girl this Christmas.
I'll leave you with a song today. This one's been on repeat around here.