Monday, December 13, 2010

Disappointment & a small dash of joy

I'm not feeling very well.  My pulse was 110 last night, 102 this morning, 120 this afternoon.  My midwife called in a lab order for me at the hospital.  I had lunch with J and then had my blood drawn.  (I love having my blood drawn at the hospital because it takes one minute and I don't feel a thing).  

My thyroid function is falling to pieces (good guess, m).  Stress always sends me sideways, but my thyroid function stayed normal immediately after she died so I thought I was in the clear.  I am so mad, frustrated, and upset.  I was doing so well on the plant extracts and I was so proud of myself for being medication free.  This probably means my chances of conceiving this cycle are zero.  

I am so mad at my body for letting me down again.  I hate the holidays for making me so stressed and anxious I can't sustain normal thyroid function.  And I hate feeling like this.  My tremor is back, I can't breathe very well, and my pulse is so high all I can think about is my heart exploding.  And I'm in a panic about how high my pulse is and the fact that I can't breathe very well, which only makes the situation worse. 

I'm seeing Dr. B tomorrow morning.  I called her office and they provided me with a list of tinctures to take and dosages to increase.  I despise having a thyroid problem.  I hope Dr. B can work her magic and restore me to health.       

I was actually writing a positive post before I received my thyroid results!  I wanted to write a post about all of the gifts we've received and how happy it makes me.  At least I can end on a happy note.  

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The pain of this season is eased a bit by the wonderful people in my life.  The Christmas gifts and cards have been pouring in.  It brings a smile to my face to see Charlotte's shelf overflowing with gifts of love and remembrance.

A few of the cards we've received  


From Chaunchai's fabulous mama


Bird ornaments.  One from each set of grandparents. 


Ornament from Michael's sweet mama


I love this bird charm because I can add it to the necklace in the next picture.


Journal and locket from Sofia's mama who was my friend in the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope gift exchange.

 



From Christian's mama


We included this beautiful picture in our Christmas cards.  Sweet girl.  Seven months without her tomorrow.  I am a broken hearted, sick mama.  




8 comments:

  1. Oh Angela. I'm so sorry about the thyroid stuff. I hope that it gets resolved soon.

    I too have found such solace from some of the gifts and cards from the BLMs, and the ornaments we have received to remember Otis. The bird ornaments are so sweet, and that journal and locket is beautiful.

    sending love, as always.

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  2. So glad you like the charm sweetie! Thank you for the card and the pic.

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  3. I'm guessing you have a high functioning thyroid from how you are feeling. It can really make you feel awful, I know :(. Also, it can really heavily contribute to your feelings of anxiety just by itself let alone in combination with everything else going on during the holidays.

    I hope that whatever it is that your doctor suggested does what it is supposed to quickly.

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  4. I hope Dr. B can get your thyroid under control quickly. I hate it when your heart is beating so fast...everything feels so out of control. Of course, everything has felt out of control since losing our babies. I love all the pictures here....

    Thinking of you always. xoxoxo

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  5. Oh sweet Angels- I know that you and I are in the same pile of awful today. I am so sorry- right here with you... will you keep us posted on what remedied and cc strengths you are prescribed.. one of my best friends is dealing with the same thing and i would love to share this with her. Sending you hugs.....

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  6. Oh Angela,
    I was hoping your thyroid was doing great, after saying that you knew of hyperthyroidism last week. I am so sorry your body has thrown you a curve ball too. I hope Dr B will get it under control quickly and it isn't just a waiting game - I hate it, I am so impatient! I am curious as to what plant extracts/tinctures you were using before?

    Fingers crossed for you appointment tomorrow Angela, sending lots of strength and love your way

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  7. I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear the news of your thyroid issues. I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid under two months ago and it totally sucks doesn't it. Just makes ttc even tougher :-{ Really hoping the docs can get on top of it quickly for you. I will keep my fingers crossed that 2011 is a year of hope and happiness for you. Remembering your beautiful girl. x

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  8. I wish you the best at your doctor's appointment. In my opinion, the thyroid is whack. I know too many people who have problems from it and really always at the wrong time. Here's to hoping everything works out. Much love!

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thank you!

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