Saturday, December 18, 2010

Night Out

It's the end of the movie.  I'm restless, hungry.  On the screen they begin speaking of loss, another world, wondering, wanting, missing.  I shift back and forth in my seat.  I look to my left.  J is crying.  On the way to dinner after he says, "I miss my little girl."  I want to stand on a beach, speak with a lion, or God, or anyone who can offer reassurance.  I know I can't have her back, but will someone please promise me she's safe, warm, happy?  I feel like I didn't love her enough while she was here.  I want to close my eyes, open them to that sunny morning in May, kiss her sweet face, come back here, know with great relief I did enough.

12 comments:

  1. I can promise you WITHOUT A DOUBT that that Charlotte is safe, happy, warm and she knows that she is LOVED! <3 (((HUGS))) <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel like I didn't love her enough while she was here.

    This fear is one that has been especially haunting to me as of late. That I didn't love him enough while he was here with us. It paralyzes me.

    You are not alone.

    Sending you love, Angela.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *tears* I really have nothing to say that will comfort you but I know what you are feeling. I have been haunted by this, too. A friend of mine told me that we all loved (love) the best we knew how and did the best we could at the time. After almost six months, those words are finally sinking in a little. Thinking of you and Charlotte. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  4. Charloette is safe and happy in heaven and she knows how loved and missed she is here on earth. But I also know that doesn't make you hurt any less. I'm happy that Chloe is in a wonderful place, but that will never, ever be enough to make my heart stop aching. Love Charlotte, love God and one day you WILL hold her in your arms again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Charlotte definitely knows that you loved her...that you still love her.

    This question haunts me too though. Did Jacob know exactly how much I love him, that I would have died in a second to save him? Did I put my hand on my belly enough when I was pregnant.....the questions and the doubt never ends.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate that feeling... I relate to it all so well. Im sure though that she is happy safe and warm and smiling down as she watches you and your sweet hubby. She is so proud of both of you!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I cannot deny that I have the same feelings. Sometimes very intensely too as though it might consume me. Charlotte is very loved and I must believe that where ever our babies are they can feel our love radiating to them. Thinking of you and hope you got a little relaxation out of your night out!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I feel like that a lot too- like I just didn't love him enough....

    ReplyDelete
  9. such a moving post. i know i loved my boy as much as i could while he was here. but i have so much more love to give him. i wasn't done loving him before he was ripped away from me. and i'm sure you feel the same way about Charlotte.

    i too just wish someone could tell me that he's ok where ever he is. that he is happy and looking down on me. i just hate this new reality that we all are forced to live.
    ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  10. Charlotte definitely knows that you loved her...that you still love her.

    This question haunts me too though. Did Jacob know exactly how much I love him, that I would have died in a second to save him? Did I put my hand on my belly enough when I was pregnant.....the questions and the doubt never ends.

    ReplyDelete
  11. *tears* I really have nothing to say that will comfort you but I know what you are feeling. I have been haunted by this, too. A friend of mine told me that we all loved (love) the best we knew how and did the best we could at the time. After almost six months, those words are finally sinking in a little. Thinking of you and Charlotte. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  12. I feel like that a lot too- like I just didn't love him enough....

    ReplyDelete

thank you!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 
Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved