I'm not so sure about this Hypnobabies thing. I'm on day three and so far I've done a lot of arguing with the book and hypnosis CDs. I think my main issue is that the book and CDs focus on eliminating pain in birth and I'm really not worried about the pain, I'm worried about the baby breathing and being alive after birth. And I'm skeptical about this whole pain free birth thing. I was relaxed, calm, went into my first birth without any fear, and it still hurt a LOT at the end there (Lesson learned from birth number one: When midwives say, "It will get more intense," they mean "You will feel pain that will make you yell in such a way that your husband will still talk about it a year after the birth).
My issues with control are making this endeavor even more difficult. I don't like being told to create a safe place where birth is normal and pressure waves don't hurt, but make you smile. Every time the calm CD narrator instructs me to use the term "pressure waves" or "birthing time" I cringe and roll my eyes even though I am supposed to be "deeply relaxed and unaware of my surroundings." I don't like being told what to do, it's my contrary nature, I've carried it with me since birth, and I don't think now is the time to work on a personality shift (especially since I'm stubborn).
Another part of my personality that is making this more difficult is my deep desire to adhere to stated rules. Here is my mindset: the instructions say to do a, b, c so I must do a, b, c even though I don't like it and don't feel like it's working for me. This morning I sat down with the book, skimmed through some of the chapters, and decided most of it isn't for me. The second chapter focuses on nutrition. Um, I'll be 29 weeks tomorrow, isn't that a little late to be informing me of the importance of protein and how bad aspartame is for me? There is also a lot of talk about how labor works, how the baby is positioned in the body, what a uterus is ... all things I am aware of and don't need further instruction on.
I will say that I think this could be a fabulous program for a first time mama. And there are components of it that I do like such as the "Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations" CD which I listen to everyday. I'm committed to that CD and I am going to listen to the others, choose what I like, what works for me, and ignore the rest.
I feel some guilt about making that decision so quickly, especially since it cost $150.00, but I don't want to stress about it, or over think it, or push myself to use it when it just frustrates me. There's a "Fear Clearing Session" coming up - perhaps that will be a useful one, and maybe the CDs meant for labor will help too. I'm willing to continue trying, but I can't follow the exact rules, it's just too much, and I can't find the excitement for it. When I was pregnant with Charlotte I wanted to read and learn everything I could about birth and I think I would have loved this program then. I'm still interested in birth, in our choices as women, in how birth is treated in the United States, but for this particular birth I just want to get through it, find myself on the other side and see what greets me there.
How did you get through your labor/delivery after loss? If you're pregnant with your rainbow now how are you feeling about the upcoming birth? What are you doing to prepare?
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10 comments:
I read a lot on natural birth when I was pregnant. Then I went into labour. It all went out the window. I got the epidural and fast. The pain wasn't even the issue mainly. I got so anxious being in labour and wondering if Caleb would make it out alive that I just wanted to be drugged so I could relax and maybe sleep a little. I didn't care about anything at that point except seeing him alive. It was still a long painful labour and I don't regret taking the drugs. You do what you have to do not just for our physical comfort but mental as well.
I used hypnobabies and found it invaluable in my second labor. Learning those complete relaxation techniques was amazing. I didn't expect or need birth to be pain free, but I did notice a significant difference in the contractions when I was able to relax into them. It was all a little weird to me at first as well, but once I realized that I had to CHOOSE to make it work, rather than it being true because she was telling me to, it got a lot easier. For example, when I first did the light switch session, my logical mind was like "um, of course I can still move!" But when I consciously chose to be "off" it actually felt a lot different. I think a big part of it is learning to let go of your normal thought processes, and that gets easier the more you practice.
I didn't find the book to be all that useful either, but doing the practice sessions was really worth it for me.
Also, I dont know where you are on day 3, but I do remember the first few sessions being harder to get into. So I would say don't give up on it yet!
I had a lot of the same issues with Hypnobabies. Even so, I felt the parts that "worked" for me were useful and I am glad I used the program. I didn't do the Fear Clearing session, ironically because after I read the chapter about the Fear Clearing session I was too scared to use it. If there's ever another baby in my future, I'm going to have a good therapist lined up and go through it, though. I ended up having a serious PTSD-related issue after the birth which necessitated a hospital transfer that would have otherwise been completely unnecessary. Maybe if I'd done the Fear Clearing session I could have spent that day after the birth tucked comfortably in my own bed.
I did hypnobirthing the first time around when I lost my son. This time around I am getting a c-section!
I am terrified of the birth process, not because of the pain...but because of my fear that my babe will die during birth or that something will happen and I won't get treated fast enough leading to another horrific experience. I have been contemplating an elective section...but we will see.
i couldn't listen to my nypno cd's while pregnant with Ernest because I'd used them when pregnant with Florence, and they were too much of a reminder.
Instead, I went to yoga, and I learned EFT.(emotional freedom technique)
I used EFT a lot when I'd feel nervous, and the golden thread breathing I learned at yoga could, if used quickly enough ward off a panic attack.
During my induction, I'd listen to my soundtrack of the beach and imagine myself walking along christians beach, or sitting in the dunes with the sun warming my skin, looking out to sea.
And I knit, knitting for me seems to work...I guess it's occupational therapy!
As for the pain, yoga breathing got me through a lot. (and worked with my previous labours), but gas and air was my saviour...I don't think you have that option in the US? Shame...it's lovely stuff!
Hope was stillborn a week past her due date. She died when I was in early labour and I had no idea. By the time I noticed she wasn't moving, it was of course too late. So for me, I was simply terrified, knowing that I could lose a baby at any moment, without warning. And I just had to get the baby out alive when I knew he was ready.
I desperately wanted another natural birth, but I also knew I couldn't go to a due date and certainly not beyond (and my carers wouldn't have let me either). I got to 38 weeks and mentally, fell to pieces. I could not do it another day. I didn't want a c/s, but I also didn't want to be pregnant any more. I felt like a time bomb, about to go off at any minute. So I took the c/s. I have some regret, but that has faded with time. He's here, he's alive and that's that.
Oh, and the reason they didn't/wouldn't induce me at 38w instead was because he was high, known to be a big size and my cervix was highly unfavourable. They said it was just too risky to force labour on a body that wasn't ready like that. Of course if I'd wanted to wait a week, or even two, induction could have been an option. But as I said, I was done. My husband was done. We had to get him out. To me, his birth was more like a rescue mission.
I'm attempting a VBAC this time, but I'm not married to the idea. I feel I can hold on a bit longer to wait for natural labour to start (can't be induced now due to risks with c/s scar) but I just have to see how I go.
Good luck, mama.
xo
I'm due 2wks from today, which is exactly 1yr to the day my son died. Right now, I am just in the mindset of wanting to get thru this birth, however it happens. I was hoping to go early, but with all my other kids, I have gone 2-3wks late. So other than just trying to stay busy & not think about it all, I am not doing much else to prepare. I have my son's birthday the 13th to think about right now.
Also, I dont know where you are on day 3, but I do remember the first few sessions being harder to get into. So I would say don't give up on it yet!
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