Saturday, July 9, 2011


Another dream about Bennett, born healthy, only I wasn't supposed to see him until two weeks after his birth ... but my good friend Jessi brought him to me anyway.  He was wearing a onesie with "little brother" written across the front, blue pants, tiny socks.  I can't remember what he looked like, but I do remember his hands, they looked like his sister's.

I want to buy all things baby related, but we don't need much.  Around 32 weeks with Charlotte I lost my mind and bought a co-sleeper, baby swing, and rocking chair online even though I had said I didn't want a rocking chair or swing.  J was confused, but decided not to argue.  Yesterday I bought a Pack n Play even though I'm not sure we need one.  I must stop buying clothes, really I have to. This is all part of nesting, right?

Here is what I should be doing: planning, cooking, and freezing meals.  It was so helpful after Charlotte died to have a freezer full of meals, but with J on the gluten free diet for at least two more months (blah) my go to list of foods to freeze for after baby has to be completely revised.  The idea that someone will take care of us, we won't starve, we had so many meals brought in after Charlotte died, is making me feel even less motivated to cook and freeze meals.

I am so lazy and spaced out.  I don't remember feeling this way with Charlotte, but maybe I did ... ?  If we had a butler, maid and chef I would sit on this here couch for the next ten weeks, put my feet up and do nothing but eat and read. Since that will never, ever happen (trust me, I've asked) I am off to work on the patio with J.  This summer project, like all our projects which we are certain we can do ourselves because it will save so much money, is one nasty monster, but next summer I will have a patio ... and there just might be a baby sleeping in the shade - beneath the bamboo we have yet to find and plant - next to that patio ...

Hope, friends, I think I've found some.


  1. I can't stop buying cloths either. I just want to buy things for the baby but I don't need anything. We had all we needed when we lost Aiden.
    I feel the same way you as far as just wanting to sit on the couch and do anything. I do even want to get up to get water.. LOL..
    Take care :)

  2. I've followed your blog for some time now. This post made my heart feel so happy. Hope is a beautiful thing. love to you always.

  3. So glad to hear that. I love that you have so much hope. You deserve it.

  4. So glad that you are feeling hope...soak it in.

    If it's not too late for questions...what are the go-to meals that you would make and freeze if J was not on a gluten free diet? I hadn't even thought about making and freezing ahead of time. You are a smart lady :)

  5. Do you like Chili? Home-made chili from scratch freezes really well, and is typically gluten-free. You can make one giant pot and freeze several servings. There are 8 million great chili recipes online. :) A little southern fried corn bread can be whipped up quickly to serve with the chili at dinner time.

  6. Hold on to it, as tightly as you can.

  7. Hold on to it, as tightly as you can.


thank you!


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