Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Third Trimester Blues

Feeling rather blah today.  A combination of things, little events, is making me feel out of sorts, grumpy.  My good friend had her anatomy scan yesterday, it's a girl, which she thought it may be, so in some ways I was prepared for it, but in other ways, ouch.  It stings a bit, I imagine it always will.  And of course I am happy for them, glad all is well, but it's still a reminder of the little one I'm missing. Remember what it was like to go in for a scan with no worry or fear?  Yeah, I can't really recall it either.

THIS WEATHER.  I know, I know, how lame is it to talk about the weather, but waking up to overcast skies in July is a bit too much.  I need to get motivated, accomplish a few things in the weeks I have left before Bennett arrives, but my brain thinks it's late May and refuses to cooperate.

I bought a few trashy lit (that's what I call easy reads with happy endings and easy to follow plots) novels the other day and I am blazing through one a day right now.  The things I should be doing instead of reading or watching "American Pickers" on Netflix?  Well that list is long: housework, freezer meals, (I committed to making one last week, haven't managed it), writing thank you notes for baby gifts, buying the last few baby items, deciding if I really need those last few baby items, organizing the nursery as opposed to talking about organizing the nursery (thankfully my mama is coming over to help with that tomorrow) ... etc. etc. etc.

We're just so busy right now with the summer project, J running to and fro at work trying to accomplish things before Bennett comes (he's in the middle of the accreditation process for his company) doctor appointments, midwife appointments, time with friends and family, J's work picnic, the usual summer commitments   

I'll be 33 weeks tomorrow.  In my mind I am running around like a crazy person cleaning baseboards, making lists, and folding baby clothes, but in reality I'm relaxing on the couch with a book.  And this is the second or third time I've written about this, which is really pathetic.  The other day I said something about organizing the nursery and J said, "Yep, you keep saying that, but doing nothing."  So, so true.

Even though I feel like nesting I know that no amount of fluffing, folding or cleaning will matter in the end.  Either he'll come home with us, or he won't and whether or not the baseboards are dust free won't matter one whit.  We'll be overjoyed or devastated and if I continue avoiding all of these little projects maybe I won't have to birth another baby in a few short weeks or admit that this pregnancy is coming to an end.  Because when it ends, no matter which way it ends, I have no idea how to handle what comes after and if there's anything in life that makes me uncomfortable it's not having a plan.      

5 comments:

  1. You need to do what's best for yourself right now. And if that is lying on the couch reading a book, then good for you. Do it and enjoy it as much as possible and get what rest and peace you can for yourself these days.

    Thinking of you as you get through these weeks.

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  2. I am so with you. I have so many things that I need to do but I am stalling and part of me wonders if it is my brain trying to protect my heart. Who knows, but I think that you have the right idea...pamper yourself now because like you said, come September life will be a lot different for one reason or another.

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  3. i don't usually comment, but know that i am here all the time...sending you happy and peace vibes:)

    i think that really it doesn't matter about this whole 'being prepared' shit.

    if it helps you to NOT do it, then don't.

    all your baby needs when they are born is you, your boobs, and something to fashion into a diaper.

    the rest will all fall into place.

    do what feels best to you...nobody else.

    <3
    andrea

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  4. Your last paragraph really summed it up for me. I have just written about similar things. There isn't much we can do to change the outcome, what will be will be, so whether we dive head first in to nesting or avoid it all together - none of it really makes any difference.
    Love to you. Right there with you.
    xo

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  5. You're so right. Cleaning and organizing won't make any difference in the world in a few short weeks. Just take care of yourself right now and keep loving on that sweet growing baby boy until he comes home. xo

    ReplyDelete

thank you!

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