Sunday, July 31, 2011

This is hard for you too!?

I'm fairly focused on myself right now.  And by that I mean that it's all about me, me, me these days, how I'm feeling, how I'm coping, what I need/want.  As far as I'm concerned the rest of the world can zero in on me for the next few weeks and once I make it to the end of this journey I'll once again remember to ask after others and be aware that the world doesn't revolve around me and this pregnancy.

Well, that's how I was functioning up until a few days ago when I realized J may be feeling a little nervous and asked where he was at.  He said he thinks he will be fine while I am in labor, but the moment of birth as well as the few minutes after will probably be difficult as we wait to make sure all is well with this boy. With Charlotte it happened so fast: birth, tiny noise - not even a cry, really - and then disaster that all we'll need to feel reassured is a strong, healthy cry and a baby who doesn't go limp.  I wanted to talk to J about it more, but he shut down soon after that and I eventually got that his silence meant I'm done talking about this.

Talking to J about how he thinks he'll feel about Bennett's birth (which is actually admirable as J doesn't like talking about his feelings in general and doesn't feel the need to obsess and stress about events that are not happening/won't happen for a while like I do) I began to think about how others may be feeling. How are my parents feeling?  J's?  My midwife?  Our sisters and brothers? Friends?

I think that quick conversation with J was a good (and necessary) reminder that I'm not the only one crossing my fingers, sending prayers to the heavens and hoping all is well.  I was so caught up in the idea of birthing another baby I forgot to consider the thoughts and emotions of those who will be waiting in the wings.

I wouldn't have made it through the last thirty-three weeks without your support.  Thanks for listening and supporting me through this pregnancy and brace yourselves for the next few weeks as they will be tough ones.  I'm already feeling the need to grab hold of strangers and inform them that I'm five-seven weeks away from having a baby. (It's like in the beginning when only a handful of people knew I was pregnant and I found myself telling strangers because I so desperately wanted to share the news, only now it's obvious I'm pregnant, but I want the world to know I will birth a baby soon which is scary, but exciting too, and how do they feel about it, hmm?)  

8 comments:

  1. I think that focussing on yourself is really, really OK at this stage. You have enough on your plate without caring for other people - J aside.

    I hesitate to write this, but when Jack was born he barely made a sound - just a little meow. Paul hadn't realised that not all babies cry so he was terrified - but he was fine. I just mean to say, if Bennett doesn't cry it doesn't *necessarily* mean that something is wrong.

    But I really hope he objects voiciferously to being born. Because I think that would be extremely reassuring.

    You are doing really well. Only a few weeks left. You can do it! xxx

    (word veri: inale, which is kind of like 'inhale'. reminder to keep breathing?)

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  2. Oh, crap. I don't usually use D's real name. Oh well! As long as it's not on my own blog it's not really an issue.

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  3. As B says, you are more than entitled to just focus on yourself right now! I think this last stretch is so hard and I know I found myself turning inwards too.

    I can't imagine how hard the birth will be for you and for J after your experiences with Charlotte. I'm sure that lots of other people are anxious for you, J and Bennett too and are willing you all on, hoping that everything is well.

    Like B's Jack, R didn't actually cry too much at birth. I think he was just too tired as he'd been 'stuck' for a wee while. Here's hoping for a nice loud, reassuring cry from Bennett.

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  4. I'm so glad to hear I am not the only one who has turned into a narcissistic pregnant lady with blinders on. I swear the universe actually does revolve around me at the moment, or at least I think it does... xo

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  5. I agree that it's ok to focus on YOU right now. My husband is the same way with not talking about much of anything. I wish he would so he could understand how hard it is for me. I hope things go well for you and I will be looking forward to hearing all about it. We have very similar stories as Adelyn was fine until birth, so I imagine labor is going to be very scary. I don't know how I am going to do it.....

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  6. Everyone down here and over in the States is pretty paranoid for our next bubby's birth. (No, not pregnant yet. Hopefully soon.) Knowing ahead that we're doing planned cesars and I get my OB that delivered Evan for all my prenatal care makes things a bit easier. ;)

    But hey, you're the pregnant one, the world *does* revolve around you right now. ;)

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  7. Wow, yep. Absolutely. This was certainly how it was for me with Angus. To a lesser extent this time, but with him, yep, yep and yep.
    Angus did let out a mighty roar at birth, and I hope Bennett does that for you as well. I don't think I'll ever forget that sound. Because the silence after Hope's birth will stay with me forever.
    All my love to you.

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  8. As B says, you are more than entitled to just focus on yourself right now! I think this last stretch is so hard and I know I found myself turning inwards too.

    I can't imagine how hard the birth will be for you and for J after your experiences with Charlotte. I'm sure that lots of other people are anxious for you, J and Bennett too and are willing you all on, hoping that everything is well.

    Like B's Jack, R didn't actually cry too much at birth. I think he was just too tired as he'd been 'stuck' for a wee while. Here's hoping for a nice loud, reassuring cry from Bennett.

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thank you!

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