22w1d
3 hours ago
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
babies and sleep part two: sacrifice
It all came together this afternoon, there was almost an audible click in my brain. Bennett woke up from his thirty minute nap screaming, so I worked with him. I held him in the rocker, he slept a while in my arms, I put him down for thirty more minutes, when he woke I held him a while longer until three hours had passed, most of which he slept for.
He needed that sleep, desperately, he went down easily for his 5:00 nap, and has settled in fairly well tonight. He's been down since 7, I've had to go in twice, briefly, J once, but that is nothing compared to what we've been facing. Our plans for the day got cancelled this morning, which was a blessing in disguise.
We're often busy, we do something most days, and I think it was good for Bennett to be at home. It was hard, I'll admit. I had to put my agenda: laundry, cleaning the kitchen, watching The Bachelor - on hold so I could focus on Bennett, and that was a struggle.
To parent is to sacrifice. We sacrifice sleep, time, regular meals, days out with friends, watching TV, reading, focus ... I could go on, but after being on the other side, the side of no sacrifice, I know this is better. Harder, yes, there will be no more days of wallowing with the covers over my head as the rain pours down outside, but it is significantly better.
I'm not always a good parent. I have failed to put Bennett first lately, and I think that has contributed to the difficult times we've been having. This afternoon I prayed for patience, calm, a willing heart, a kind voice, and it's worked. J and I haven't fought. Bennett is sleeping and content in his crib. I watched The Bachelor. Everyone is happy and ready for what the night may bring (sleep, hopefully!).
I'm sorry if my last post seemed ungrateful, or whiny, or ... I don't know ... if it offended, I'm sorry. This week has been one of learning for me. Learning to stay quiet, learning to offer because people find it hard to ask, learning to parent, learning to love, learning kindness, learning what it means to be a friend, mom, and wife. I'm doing my best, but I'll be the first to admit that sometimes my best isn't all that great.
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4 comments:
We are all learning. Some days are harder than others, but take heart you are not alone.
Thank you for your post. I have forgotten this lately, and this is a much needed reminder. I have been having such a struggle being the kind of patient mom I want to be to my kids, especially my three year old daughter. She has gotten so defiant lately, which is so not her. She was the sweetest little baby. We never even had terrible twos. But you are right, I need to step back and put HER first. I think I even need to put her in front of my fifteen month old son a little so that she can remember how important she is. I need to focus on her needs too. Not just her bodily needs, which of course I do, but I need to focus on her need to feel important, and to answer all of her questions (even hearing them for the ten thousandth time). I need to join you in those prayers and pray to become the mother and wife that I want to be and that my family deserves. So, I want you to know that not only has this week been one of learning for you, but one of teaching as well. And I thank you for it.
Some days it comes easy and some days it does not. The need babies and young children have for your time and patience does not go away, does not even really decrease for the first 5 years or so, and nobody can be perfectly calm, loving and patient ALL the time. And once they hit the 2's/3's, it is their actual, honest to goodness *job* to draw you into conflict with them. Keep in mind it's a marathon, not a sprint, and go easy on yourself, and savor the good days. :)
This is the hardest time you'll go through with him. Sleep can affect everyone's moods, and it's amazing how it can feel like torture when you're slee deprived. Don't doubt your abilities, you're a great mom and Bennett is lucky to have you. Sometimes we're just a little more patient when we're rested. You'll get the hang of his sleep routine soon. One night I discovered (after weeks of walking the floors with him) that my son HATED being rocked to sleep in our arms. He just wanted to be put down to settle himself. Had I known, it would've saved many tears and sleepless nights (for both of us). You just have to try different things to figure out what works. And sometimes it's the thing you least expect to work. Hang in there!
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