managing the fear -a blm link up

There's a link up over on Finding My New Normal about pregnancy after loss, working through it and the fear that comes along.

My two cents:

Pregnancy after loss is not easy.  In fact, it's really, really hard.  I was so focused on conceiving the babe I didn't think about what came after: long weeks of doubt, worry, tears, bursts of happiness, lots and lots of doctor visits.  Over and over again I got slammed by the hugeness of it all, by the idea that I had 40 weeks, give or take, to make it through.

Being pregnant again is a wonderful, wonderful thing, but it is also a time of extreme stress.  Here's how I made it through:

- I tried not to look too far into the future.  Honestly, I sucked at it, but I tried. Instead of thinking about making it to 40 weeks, I thought about the next doctor appointment, the first trimester, the second, the third, each trimester its own pocket in time to get through, reaching a point where I wasn't sick anymore ... etc.  Trying to take it all down in one gulp is just too hard.  I panicked repeatedly when I thought about the birth, so I thought about the next ultrasound or visit with my midwife instead.

- Build a good team.  My second birth brought up a lot of trauma.  The people I surrounded myself with as I brought Bennett into the world were carefully selected.  I needed my husband.  I needed my midwife.  I needed my midwife's apprentice - goodness she's amazing - I needed the doctor, I even needed the hospital, though I would have liked to birth at home.  I needed to be surrounded by people who could - and boy did they have to - talk me off the ledge, so to speak.

- Pray, meditate, visualize.  My naturopath - Dr. B! - had me visualize a growing, healthy baby, playing with my baby, nursing my baby, holding my baby, etc.  It was good for me to sit quietly every day and connect with Bennett. I didn't want to attach, I was afraid of losing another baby.  Forcing myself to talk with and love on the baby in my belly was so good for me.

- Hypnobabies: I didn't use it during the birth, but the sessions were very useful throughout my pregnancy.  I used the fear clearing, peaceful sleep, and joyful pregnancy affirmation tracks a lot.  The fear clearing cd helped me make it through the last few weeks.

- Have fun.  Celebrate.  Be happy.  You won't jinx the pregnancy.  While pregnant with Bennett I did my best.  I worried, but I tried not to let the worry become the focus.

- Cry, eat a lot of chocolate, cry, eat a cheeseburger, cry ...

That last one is a joke.  Kind-of.

I won't say it will all be fine (once you have lost a baby that statement only incites rage) but I will encourage you to have hope and faith and to do your best to believe that all will be well.