Friday, February 10, 2012

2.10.12


I almost made it up the stairs to ready myself for my doctor appointment this afternoon (needle in the throat!) while Bennett is napping.  But I had to email J some information, and then I started catching up on blogs, and now I'm here.

First counseling session yesterday!  Shew.  (I meant that as an exhalation or exclamation, apparently it means "to prove").  I came away with the distinct impression that she does not think I need counseling.  When I mentioned my anxiety issues she asked if it was normal first time mama anxiety.  I don't think so - but maybe? Giving it a bit more time, a few more sessions, see what comes of it.  Next week Bennett is coming with me.  I do appreciate that I can bring him along, I'm rather attached to that boy (even though I dream of shopping at Target while someone else feeds him).

Last night I asked J to take me out to dinner.  When I do something I don't want to do, or dread, I want a reward.  I think my mother programmed me this way. (Not a bad thing!).  I remember not wanting to go to a dentist appointment once (ever, I hate the dentist) and my mom said if I went I would get ice cream.  Or maybe it was the orthodontist?  I had braces for a while and a headgear.  Or maybe I didn't have the headgear, maybe that was my sister.

So one session down, we'll see how it goes.  I told her about this here blog and now am a bit paranoid - what if she reads?  I asked J this at dinner and he said, "Well, she'll get some insight on you."  True.  And a bit scary.

I have to get ready.  Leaving the house three days in a row is hard (yesterday, today, tomorrow).  I have to shower, put clothes on, dress the baby.  When Bennett woke up at 5:45 yesterday morning I sat at the table eating breakfast with J.  "If we both worked we would have to do this every morning - ugh!" I said as I hunched over my toast.  And then I took the boy and forced him to go back to sleep so I could catch another hour of rest.

I love my life.  I don't understand it, why it had to take this shape, but I love having a baby in arms.

Watching the birds, cars, street sweeper


3 comments:

  1. Yay for making it through your session!

    It looks absolutely gorgeous out there right now, down right spring-y.

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  2. Yep, getting up and ready every single day is so hard, as is leaving your babies! Be glad you don't have to work.

    Glad your session went ok. I never did counseling, although I thought about it many times. I will be curious to hear if it helps you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think if you feel you need a counselor totalk to, she should respect that. Even if there's nothing "wrong" or going on, even the healthiest person needs someone to talk to! I hope things look even more up for you soon (:
    <3

    ReplyDelete

thank you!

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