Wednesday, February 8, 2012

sleep deprived dream


Would you let someone else nurse your baby?  I had a dream last night that I lived with all my friends and we all had nurslings - most of us do! - and babies were fed when they needed to be fed by whomever was around.  It sounds like a commune, but there were televisions and access to Target in this dream so that's not too commune like.

This is what happens when I don't get enough sleep.  I dream of going to Target by myself while someone else feeds my baby.

I love breastfeeding, I love that I am giving Bennett a good start in life - though my immune system is faulty, so I may not be giving him the BEST start possible - but it is tiring.  I am his sole source of food.  It's daunting to think of it like that.

He slept great last night, down at 7, up at 10:30, down at 11, up at 3:45, down at 4:15, up at 7:30.  Ideal night.  But I'm coming off days of less than ideal nights and at 10:30 when he wanted to nurse I thought I was going to cry. (Going to bed at 9 did not help matters). And then he started clawing me with his hands.  I don't know why he does this, I think he just can't hold still even when nursing (he is so active, when I pray over him at night I ask the Lord to calm his busy body so he can sleep peacefully).  His nearly frantic arm movements were making me crazy so I clamped his hands to his sides with my arms and tried to stay awake enough to hold them down.

When he was finished nursing I went back to bed and had my crazy dream. We lived on a beautiful property, acres of golden land, we had gardens, and nice houses.  Our kids were lovely children of the forest: healthy, strong, sweet. We took turns nursing so we all slept plenty.

Life was grand in that dream, friends.

I love being a mama, but the way our culture (western) does the mama thing is strange.  Mamas are burnt out, tired, resent their kids, resent their husbands, want something more from life ... etc.  There's so much competition, and camps, and sides, and right and wrong.  I think mamas should support one another, love one another, help one another.  Raising little ones is hard, yes, but so important, and rewarding too.

7 comments:

  1. Oh that dream does sound grand! Although when I do get the opportunity to go shopping on my own, I always feel kind of lost without them!

    I love breastfeeding too. I feel so lucky that I was able to do it this time round. But nobody tells you about the clawing. Reuben likes to press in the little hollow of my throat which is a bit ouchy. And he had drawn blood now with his two teeth which was very ouchy!

    I think the way that we do motherhood in our culture is very strange in many respects. Very isolating and divisive.

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  2. Your little one sounds just mine! Sometimes he claws (I have scratches ALL over my boobies now), sometimes he kneads them, and worst yet he has started to latch on then quickly turn his head to look at something and un-latches himself only to turn back to me one second later and re-latch. I let him do this 20 times in one minut before I have to stop the nursing session so he knows it not playtime. Its seriously making me bonkers! Does Bennett ever do that to you??

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  3. I would say this is the ONLY plus to pumping over breastfeeding. I can occasionally go out ALONE and be completely secure that Kaia is being well fed while I'm away.
    As to your question, I'm not sure I'd let someone else feed Kaia. Maybe if I was very ill or HAD to be away for some length of time and the only way she'd continue getting breast milk was if someone else gave it to her, then yes, I'd definitely consider it. But to get more sleep? Probably not. Although...ask me again at 3 in the morning and I might just take you up on it.

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  4. Amen again. I agree us mothers don't get enough support or respect for the jobs we do. And that we are way too isolated in this "indedpendent"-valued culture of ours. I wish I had my family close by for support.

    I think I would let someone else nurse Allie - and would totally do it if it meant I got somre more sleep!!! I remember holding a friend's baby girl a few months back and I had the urge to nurse her. I was a bit surprised by it at the time, but then kinda thought, but of course -she's a little baby and she's meant to nurse, and I've got milk. I don't know. Made sense to me at the time.

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  5. Isn't that the truth. Our culture is so weird out by thought of certain things and usually its those very things that would make all the difference in the world. I do feel lucky to be in Portland where we are a little "weird" but the standards... I nursed my close friends babies when I had milk and no one thought anything of it. Hang in there honey... the no sleep thing is just plain tough!

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  6. I was actually nursed by both my mother and my aunt as a child. I would nurse other people's children if they needed it.

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  7. I totally would let someone nurse my baby. With all of our supply issues and whatnot, I'm always interested if it'd have made a difference if he could have nursed from someone else and when my supply got up if he'd been able to nurse 'normal' from me. I guess part of me is ok with it since we use donor milk and to me, it's not that different :) You're doing a great job, being a mama is hard work! Keep it up!

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thank you!

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