I don't have much to say. It's afternoon, it's raining, there are toys strewn all over the floor, B is finally napping.
We've reached a transitional stage, he does not want to be rocked to sleep, but he's not quite able to put himself to sleep from a fully awake state. So I set him in his crib, leave him alone for a few minutes; he fusses when he's done playing with his giraffe and pulling himself to a stand in every corner of the crib. I lay him down, give him his blanket, kiss his forehead, and stand next to the crib while he falls asleep.
It's frustrating, annoying - why won't you just let me rock you?! - but it's better than the emptiness of unused baby items in a dark nursery.
This month has been a studied concentration in keeping it together. It's not gone how I would like, life has been too much in the way for me to withdraw as I wish, as I need to.
It's pouring, sheets of rain from the skies soaking our vegetable gardens and flower beds, encouraging growth and strength. When it rains in May like this I remember the weeks after she died in all of its awful shock-struck grief.
It all connects in my mind - rain and May and spring and blooms and a new life ended too soon.
Miss you sweet girl. Miss you, miss you, miss you.
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5 comments:
(((hugs))) sometimes starring at Logan and snuggling him makes my grief more acute... I miss Riley,
Peyton, and Cameron more than ever lately. <3 thinking of you... thank you for your lovely comment, it means a lot :)
Thanks for the tip on flax seed. I will look into that!
I don't comment often, but I stop by and keep up with your story. Thinking of you in the May Rain.
I totally understand the weather thing. Rainy fall days are like that for me. It rained when we came home without Adelyn and for much of that first week. I have a vivid memory of hearing car doors close as parents dropped their kids off at my neighbor's house, and thinking how can life go on like that. Strange the memories that stick.....
I'm sorry it's hard, but I hope Bennett is giving you strength. My daughter gave me so much reason to keep going after Adelyn died, she kept me busy and somewhat distracted. Hugs....
Oh Angela. Beautiful post for a beautiful girl, so loved and missed.
R doesn't want to be rocked to sleep any more either now and he's getting too heavy anyway. Such a difficult stage but yes, we know it is far, far better than that awful emptiness.
Thinking of your Charlotte this evening xo
Missing her with you. All through May. Always and forever.
xo
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