Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
I'm writing this on the floor of our bedroom. Sweet B needs a good nap, but he is having a hard time settling down in his crib so I'm trying our bed. Not the most comfortable place for me, but he's so grumpy I'm willing to forsake comfort.
Thinking back over our weekend what strikes me the most is how much fun we had. We haven't been camping since just before Charlotte was conceived. We love to camp, hang out outdoors and go on hikes (though I've never backpacked and don't plan to) and we let all of that fall to the side.
This camping trip was the first time I've thoroughly enjoyed every last second of a vacation since Charlotte died. I was excited about everything, even how close our campsite was to the bathroom (very important when camping with young ones). Until this weekend I didn't realize how much of the time I'm still living life halfheartedly. I don't know if my going through the motions attitude can be attributed to fear, or a lack of energy or some other unknown, but enjoying every ounce of our vacation made me realize just how much I've been holding back.
Before we left for our camping trip I saw a rare glimpse of Charlotte in Bennett's face. I don't see her in him much now that he's nearly a year (sob) but for a second I saw her profile in his and it took my breath away. Sometimes the knowledge that I have a living child and a dead child roars forth from the back of my mind and knocks me flat.
I should have been rocking two little ones to sleep on our trip. There should have been a sister and brother camping together. Our family of three should be a family of four ...
I don't know if it's possible to reconcile what should be with what is, but this vacation showed me that three can be gloriously happy even when the fourth is missing.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I'm back! We had a great time camping with friends in Florence, Oregon (Jeanette, I thought of your Florence Violet so much this weekend) but it's nice to be home.
Prepare yourself: I took TONS of pictures.
B and his cousins helping us pack.
How B smiles now. We don't know where he learned it.
Helping J put the tent up.
Florence is part of the Oregon Dunes National Recreation Area which stretches close to fifty miles. You have to see these dunes to understand just how amazing they are. We climbed to the top of one of the dunes, played in the sand and even went on a dune buggy ride.
Crawling on sand is so hard.
My friend and I had quite the time on our dune buggy ride. We sent the guys off to do something a bit more wild while we hopped on the scenic ride with our kids. We thought it would be slow. It was not. I cannot believe they let me take my ten month old. I strapped him in with me and held on for dear life. B loved it. He laughed and put his hands in the air like he was on a roller coaster.
Fresh water around a tree island in the middle of the dunes.
Yummy roasted apples which we rolled in cinnamon and sugar.
Early morning walk to the lake because someone woke up at 6am.
Stopped for a short hike on the way home.
It was so good to get away. I really needed it. One of my favorite moments was holding B and watching the fire until he drifted off to sleep last night. He NEVER holds still when we're out doing something exciting. We wore him out and nearly two hours past his bedtime he settled in for mama cuddles and sleep.
Monday, July 23, 2012
I need a hammock by the ocean and a good book.
Doesn't that sound nice?
We're going camping at the end of the week (B's first time!) and I know it will be fun, but the planning of it is exhausting.
There are a lot of other things going on too.
I'm always afraid my head will explode if I don't blog because it helps me decompress so much, but I have to take a break.
I'm going to pack everything we own (so it seems) and then head out for some quality time with these guys:
When standing and eating it is best to hold your cracker in so you don't lose it.
J walked in the door and hit the floor for some B time. Love him.
I don't know if you can tell, but B has a bruise next to his mouth. He shut his face in a book.
I'll be on instagram etc., but not as much. And I'll be back here next week. I'll miss you!