Tuesday, July 3, 2012

we need a sleep intervention


Yes we do.


And yes we are going to talk about sleep again.  I think this falls under the category of it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.  And I want to.  A lot.


I put Bennett down late last night so he would sleep late.  Then I woke up at 5:30 to nurse him and just had to go to the bathroom, which means he woke up too and would not go back to sleep.

Yeah, that's right, he's back in our bed.


He goes in his crib initially, but after his first nursing he screams his head off if we try to put him back in his crib.  After nights of rocking him for hours we finally gave up in the name of sanity and he now sleeps most of the night with us.


Which works, at least we're all sleeping, but he isn't really a good bed sharer.  He wants to nurse more and he wakes up early, which is just not working for me.


I really want him to drop one feed.  I think nursing three times at night at ten months old is a little excessive, but maybe he needs it??


See, that's where I go wrong, every darn time.


I keep coming back to needs and how he's a baby and if he needs his mama and if he needs to be close and if he needs milk then he should get it.  It's only fair.


Which is why the little bit of cry it out we attempted did not work.


I buy more into the attachment parenting school of thought I guess, but why does my school of thought require so much sleep deprivation?


It's so frustrating because we were really getting somewhere with his sleep until his first tooth came in.  He was nursing less, sleeping more, napping well.  Everyone was happy.  And now he's on the go all the time and if I'm to have a hope of keeping up with him I need more sleep at night.


Bennett is getting into everything he's not supposed to, which is why I usually write when he's napping, but I just had to vent this out so I can mother with some competence and calm today.


Thanks for reading about my sleep complaints for the thousandth time.  Leave no book recommendations or method suggestions, please.  I have lots of friends whose babies sleep through the night and I don't want to hear any more success stories.  I will take horror stories, however.  Misery loves company after all.

17 comments:

  1. We are right there with you guys again. *hugs* in sympathy & understanding.

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  2. Haha, considering the title of my latest post is 'yawn yawn yawn' I don't have much to say except 'hugs'
    V
    xxx

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  3. Sorry, Mama. I have to say that I am trying to break my 2 youngest from our bed. They are 7 and 9. lol. It's embarrassing to admit. We have allowed this to go on so long, that they think they need it. Seriously. I'm so done, and FINALLY so is my hubby. He was the one saying "maaamma..." and flashing a combination forlorn/disapproving look at me literally every time I would say I was done, for years. They are trying to sleep without us for 7 nights in a row. They suggested we give them a candy bar if they do it (which is pretty unheard of in our home.) We jumped at the chance. One made it 3 and the other made it 4 nights. Part of the problem is that when I get called to work at night, he allows them to come in. Will I ever regret this co-sleeping thing later? Probably not. Especially since I am looking down the barrel of one leaving for college sooner than later (who broke herself of sleeping in her parents bed years ago, of course. They will leave the bed, they will leave the bed, they will leave the bed.) It changes my perspective some because I see how fast they are growing and that one who is nearly grown feels like a trick time is playing on me. One side note. Kristopher figured out when the oldest was little, (since she was like sleeping with an octopus,) that if you put the top of her head (just the very top,) in between the two pillows, she would stay put the entire night. Not sure how old you would be able to safely start this, but worth thinking about. (She was 5 btw.) ;)

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  4. Fran did not sleep. At all. Like Bene she was still up on my lap till 11pm+ every night and still was at 9/10 months. We started to try and get her down at night. She hated it, she stayed awake all night. Nothing worked, at all. Eventually I used to strap her into her baby carseat and put tv on and kip on the sofa beside her. She existed on no sleep at all.

    To be honest, she's still the same. She goes to bed at 9.30/10 ish (at 14) and is often awake by 2/3. She's up without trouble at 5/6/7 and on the go all day. I have no idea how she does it.

    I really struggled while she was a baby/toddler. I need my sleep. She was never happy unless in beside us and even then that was hit and miss. She would have played all night if she could have. The only thing that really worked was teaching her to put her own videos on and letting her watch tv until I woke up!

    (I was a terrible mother back then. I have improved. Slightly.)

    I do not believe in sleep training. They either need sleep or they don't. When he's older you will look back on this and say 'yeah, you were always as you are now.'

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  5. Sadly, there is a little bit of a dilemma there. Do I do more of an attachment parenting thing, and yes, suffer through a little more sleep deprivation and know that I am giving the constant love and attention that they seem to want right now? Or, do I go more of a mainstream, less attachment-y type way and do some sleep training, and we can all get some sleep. And it doesn't help that the prevailing point of view out there is that if you do do some sleep training you are evil and selfish, and too lazy to parent your kids at night. It took me a lot of soul searching and sleepless nights, and getting to the point to actually crying at the thought of night coming to realize that doing some sleep training with my youngest was what we all needed, and a way of giving him what he needed (which really, is more important and better for him than giving him what he wanted at the time). And the sleep training then allowed me to respond to him better at night, because now I knew that he wasn't just a bad sleeper, he actually needed something.

    To be honest, neither of my kids sleep with us, but I do miss them, a lot. I actually ended up teaching my daughter to come in to my bed when she woke up in the morning because we were needing that so much. Give and take, I guess. Better sleep now, and maybe the regret later that I didn't cosleep, and the missing now that they aren't there. Maybe I am robbing them of some of that closeness and attachment in the name of good sleep for everyone. Or maybe I am doing them a favor by giving their brains and bodies the sleep they need? How can you know?

    Hugs, that sleep deprivation does suck. But in the end, just sit back and feel confident that you are a mindful parent. Whatever you decide to do, be it sleep training or not, you are deciding it because it is the best thing you can think of for your family. Merry did the best thing for her family by not sleep training which is awesome, and I think that I did the best thing for mine by sleep training. I really think we were both right. And you will be too. Even if sometimes there is regret, guilt or some sleepless nights. I like to think it is our burden as good moms. (sorry about the novel :) )

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  6. Horror stories, I can do! Our little one only started sleeping through the night at 15 months. Until then, he had slept through a total of 2 nights in his whole little life. Like you, we had some success at first attempts. He had colic for 5 months so we didn't even try (screamed from 7pm-11pm every night and collapsed exhausted in our arms), then around 6 months we moved into rented accommodation and started putting him down in his cot and lying next to it and that led to the 2 precious nights and some others with only a single wake-up or a 5am move to our bed. Then we moved into our own home and it all went to hell in a handbasket (just as I went back to work!!). We tried controlled crying (for about 30 minutes, until we realised that any longer and he was going to throw himself round his cot so much that we were going to need a trip to the ER), then we went back to putting him in his cot and lying next to it. We also reduced his daytime naps. He's 18 months old now and he sleeps through almost every night - but my husband and I take turns to sleep on a mattress in his room. So no advice, no judgement, no nothing except sympathy from me!!

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  7. I should clarify... I would quite like to believe in sleep training, but I've never made it work in five living kids any better than I've achieved attachment parenting ;)

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  8. J is now over a year and feeds about a million times a day including about three at night. I hope that's a little reassuring not just depressing. I feel you mama xxxxx

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  9. Plenty of sleep misery here. We are up every 2 hours all night right now. C.S. will go back to sleep in her crib but I can't stay awake sitting down to nurse her to sleep so she ends up in our bed around 3 am. Where did my good little sleeper go? And we are due for immunizations at the end of this week so I can't see things getting better anytime soon.

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  10. Oh how I wish I couldn't relate. My son is almost a year old and has yet to sleep through the night.he sleeps with us so we (I) can get the most sleep. He wakes up several times a night and has to nurse to go back to sleep. Sometimes he wilL only sleep attached to me!, no fun and no sleep for me but nothing seems to work. Our older son never had sleep issues. Slept thght the night in his own bed since he was 3 months old. All I can think is every kid needs something different even if this oneis trying to make me crazy with sleep deprivation!

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  11. Right there with you, mama.

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  12. It is hard, I know that much. Juliet is not really in ou bed anymore, but this was us with Angus, very much. That said, Juliet still feeds 2-3 times a night and she's a bit older than B, not to mention she's a lot heavier than him so I KNOW she doesn't need it, it's just the easiest way for us all to get back to sleep - shove boob in her mouth.
    We'll get there. I know that much as well.
    xo

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  13. Can you then forward all the horror stories to me so I can revel in them as well when my kid is waking up 3 times at night?

    Please and thank you. ;)

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  14. Imagine nursing every 2 hours throughout the night and then having to go to work for 8 hours and handle other people's money. Thank goodness for espresso!

    I try to look at it this way...in 10 years I'll be staring longingly in my tween sons room wishing he'd come snuggle with me and he won't want to. I try to enjoy it now, although that's difficult at 3am.

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  15. Mine took 16 months to sleep through the night... hang in there girl, he'll get the hang of it. Someday. And probably before his 16th birthday ;-)

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  16. UGH! My boy is only 2 months but man I am with you! SOOOOOOOO sleep deprived! I was hoping to sleep when he got vaccines cause they say many babies sleep more....not my Logan! Yikes! The past couple days have been rough after those vaccines and to say he is a sleep fighter is an understatement! It's like an olympic event for him! So sorry mama! (((hugs)))

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  17. Amen sister. We're (still) in it! Just tonight my MIL wished me well with Allie's night wakings and with deep sympathy said, this too shall pass. My response - that's what "they've" been saying since Allie was 4 months old!! Sigh... It's so hard. I wonder about doing some sleep training, yet that just doesn't feel right for me, but neither does my lack of sleep and my growing impatience and frustration with Allie some days.

    Xoxoxo to you all. Hoping for sweet dreams soon!

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thank you!

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