Friday, August 31, 2012

Unexpected Goodbye: When Your Baby Dies

Here it is!! This book has been on my project list for so long it feels strange to send it out into the world.

Buy it HERE for $2.99.

Or go check out the website I built and buy it THERE.

You can also download a free chapter HERE or HERE.

Thank you to Ann Dorn, publisher and owner of Seattle Natural Awakenings, for her hard work as editor and project manager.

Thank you to my parents, J and Jessi for being my initial readers.

And a thousand thank yous to my dear Charlotte for blessing me with her short life and inspiring me to write through the grief and brokenness.

You are loved and missed, little bird.

*The book will be available for Kindle and other e-readers soon.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

fair baby

We are so darn close on the ebook front. We are having a difficult time converting the file to Kindle and epub formats. I am trying to decide if I should release it in PDF format only for now or wait for all formats to be available. Any thoughts or opinions on the matter appreciated. I am going out of my head here. And I'm only doing half the work.

We went to the state fair with my mom today. We are lucky we live close enough to walk. We had so much fun. Bennett had a great time. He even learned how to 'baa' like a goat in the animal barns. He spent the afternoon toddling around the living room demonstrating his new skill. Thanks to my mom for participating in this video. Pardon our chatter.

Have I mentioned how much I love him?

Sorry I've been bombarding you with pictures lately. We've been having way too much fun.

love the old fair buildings

he looks five here

baby pigs!

he was really uncertain about this

new favorite. so messy, but he loves them. I love that curl.

I'm glad it wasn't very crowded when we went. Bennett walked all over this exhibit hall. I can't believe he's only been walking a week.

shy baby. this is what he does when he meets someone new. also a way to get someone's attention.

free watermelon slice!

watching a dog show

napping on the go. a rare sight.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

farm baby

I have a friend from university who has a bit of land - enough for chickens, sheep and dogs -about an hour from us. I have not seen her in a long time. She has a little girl. A was born three months after Charlotte. So, you know, it's hard.

if only...

B had so much fun checking everything out. I hope we can afford an acre or two someday!


Monday, August 27, 2012

all is well

We went to church yesterday. We were able to sit through the entire service for the first time in a while. We received permission to move Bennett up to the one year old class which he liked a lot more than nursery. I think he was bored in the nursery.

Our lead pastor led worship while our youth pastor delivered the sermon, which is not how Sunday morning is usually set up. Before we sang this song

our lead pastor spoke a bit and referenced this song

He mentioned the author Horatio Spafford's personal grief a bit. It intrigued me so I looked up the story this morning. Oh, goodness.

In 1871 his four year old son died.

In 1873 he sent his family ahead of him to Europe because he had business to attend to. The ship sank and all four of his daughters died. His wife sent him a two word telegram: "Saved alone."

He wrote "It Is Well With My Soul" after passing the area where his daughters died as he traveled to Europe to be reunited with his wife.

The Spaffords had three more children. One died in infancy.

And after all that he was still able to profess faith and trust in God and His plans. I miss Charlotte so much and I don't understand why I can't have her here with me. If sheer wanting was enough to make a person breathe she would exist. I would be able to will her back to life.

I don't understand. I never will. And some days it is harder to feel all is well and right and working out as it should.

*biographical information on Spafford from Wikipedia

Sunday, August 26, 2012


When I posted yesterday's video a friend commented on how much Bennett has to say. He talks all the time, has done since he was little, but today he was really verbose.

I've been missing Charlotte so much lately. I am so blessed to have this little guy in my life. He eases the ache, makes me laugh and hugs me so tightly I wonder how his little arms have the strength.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

2:30 am

Please tell me your child does this too.

When Bennett learned how to crawl he pulled this stunt one night. I hope the trend continues for this milestone. I can't take another night like last night. J and I were both so frustrated with him by the time 2:30 rolled around.

I guess running around the park for two hours yesterday morning wasn't enough exercise. We took the plunge on the community center membership. It will be so nice to have somewhere to go this fall and winter. I have to get Bennett out of the house at least three times a week or we start to annoy each other.

And I am going to get in shape! I am at a very healthy weight, and I think I look quite good all things considered (two back to back pregnancies and lots of stress eating) but I want to be in shape as well as a healthy weight. We took a bit of a gamble when we purchased the membership. Our goal is to work out together, but if Bennett won't tolerate the on site child care we will have to go it alone and that will be much more difficult.

My goals are to maintain my current weight (within a couple pounds. I have a bit of wiggle room right now. Thank goodness, I love sweets) tone things up a bit and be able to keep up with Bennett.

How did I start with Bennett's night waking and end up at fitness goals? Extreme sleep deprivation makes the brain an incoherent mess. When Bennett sleeps through the night we are having a party. You're invited. Bring cake.

*I don't know why my blog background isn't working. I hope to have it fixed soon.

Friday, August 24, 2012

park baby

We met up with friends at the park this morning. B climbed all over the play structure, skinned his knees up good and practiced his walking. He went to bed without his lunch and he's been asleep over an hour. Most days my main focus is wearing B out. I think I succeeded.


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