Tuesday, August 14, 2012

8.14.12


I went to my second grief support meeting tonight. It's a small, but growing, group.  It's good for me.  I never want to go, but afterwards I feel better. Keyed up and unable to sleep for hours, but better.

The past few weeks have been difficult. It was good for me to sit with others who have lost and be focused on their needs and hurts for a while. It's painful to realize how lonely losing a baby is. I'm glad someone in my community is trying to make the loss of a baby less isolating.

As I was driving home I thought about driving around my small town on warm summer nights when I was a teenager.  I used to drive to this point in a neighboring city where local kids hung out.  I would often luck out and no one would be around.  I would climb out of my old Honda, sit on the stone wall, look out on my small world and imagine moving on and growing up.

I thought I was lonely then. I thought I knew how much life could hurt. I thought life would be easier beyond the lights, in cities and dreams unknown. I thought life had to be better once I left there. Now I wish I could go back and tell that girl to soak in the easiness of life at sixteen.

These support group meetings are good for my soul, but they leave an ache. I hurt for everyone who has lost a baby. I add the stories I hear to the ones already piled in my heart and I wonder how any of us are still breathing.

I know many who read here have lost babies. I am thinking of you tonight, of your babies, their names and stories. I'm sorry. I wish I could bring your baby back to you. I wish I could make your families whole.


6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. <3 I think of you often -
    i wish no one ever lost a baby <3

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  3. It IS lonely. Thank you for thinking of us.

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  4. I wish I could bring your baby back to you too...we are all united in our love and grief. I used to go to my local grief support group all the time. But, then it just got too sad. I only go occasionally now.

    I wish I could relive those days of being innocent and carefree. Ahh...

    This is oh so beautiful, Angela.

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thank you!

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