Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I'm in a place of near constant meltdowns, but trying not to show it.  Yeah, it's not working.

After a month away from counseling I went last Thursday.  After our session my counselor said, "um, yeah, scheduling you in for next week ..." as she reached for her appointment book.

There's just a lot going on.  On Sunday I tried to be cheerful and helpful while at the hospital with my sister, but underneath the cheerfulness was some anger.  It's just so unfair that my sister and I have complicated pregnancies and babies who need extra help, or, in my case, don't make it at all.  And mixed in with the anger is some PTSD - naturally - and a lot of stress about a few different things including B's lack of sleep and my health (darn thyroid).

My life is full of unknowns and uncertainties right now and I just don't cope well under conditions like this. I know things will settle down soon.  I know this is a crazy season that will transition into a quieter season in the beginning of October (I hope).  I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  I'm not complaining.  I'm just overwhelmed.  And hot.  I really don't do well in the summer heat.  I'm serious.  It's making everything that is going on much more difficult for me to handle.


  1. Sending you lots of love mama. I wish I had more than that or something to make it better. But know that there is nothing. xo

  2. Sending you peace and love. Hope the return to counseling helps. Sending you an email about the lack of sleep issues. Maybe talking about someone else's problems will be a small distraction.

  3. I am SO with you on the heat, it is not my favorite time of year. I pray your counseling helps resolve your 'struggles' it IS worth it. I have sat in that chair before too and although it is so hard it is a blessing to unload your hearts hurt.

  4. Oh the heat makes everything worse! September in Oregon is my favorite, so hopefully it will be a nice respite. Hang in there.

  5. Overwhelmed here too. This time of year always does me in, and I have so much on my plate. I feel for you. I need a cup of tea (you might need something cooler).


thank you!


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