Tuesday, August 7, 2012

8.7.12


I'm in a place of near constant meltdowns, but trying not to show it.  Yeah, it's not working.

After a month away from counseling I went last Thursday.  After our session my counselor said, "um, yeah, scheduling you in for next week ..." as she reached for her appointment book.

There's just a lot going on.  On Sunday I tried to be cheerful and helpful while at the hospital with my sister, but underneath the cheerfulness was some anger.  It's just so unfair that my sister and I have complicated pregnancies and babies who need extra help, or, in my case, don't make it at all.  And mixed in with the anger is some PTSD - naturally - and a lot of stress about a few different things including B's lack of sleep and my health (darn thyroid).

My life is full of unknowns and uncertainties right now and I just don't cope well under conditions like this. I know things will settle down soon.  I know this is a crazy season that will transition into a quieter season in the beginning of October (I hope).  I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  I'm not complaining.  I'm just overwhelmed.  And hot.  I really don't do well in the summer heat.  I'm serious.  It's making everything that is going on much more difficult for me to handle.

5 comments:

  1. Sending you lots of love mama. I wish I had more than that or something to make it better. But know that there is nothing. xo

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  2. Sending you peace and love. Hope the return to counseling helps. Sending you an email about the lack of sleep issues. Maybe talking about someone else's problems will be a small distraction.

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  3. I am SO with you on the heat, it is not my favorite time of year. I pray your counseling helps resolve your 'struggles' it IS worth it. I have sat in that chair before too and although it is so hard it is a blessing to unload your hearts hurt.

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  4. Oh the heat makes everything worse! September in Oregon is my favorite, so hopefully it will be a nice respite. Hang in there.

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  5. Overwhelmed here too. This time of year always does me in, and I have so much on my plate. I feel for you. I need a cup of tea (you might need something cooler).
    xo

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thank you!

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