Saturday, August 4, 2012

oh, birthdays

It's almost my birthday and this year I don't feel sad or shattered or anxious or worn down.  I feel happy and blessed and overjoyed.


I feel like I need a bucket list for this year since next year I will be 30!


What did you want to accomplish before you were 30?


What I thought I wanted when I was 20 is so different from what I want now.


I don't even know if I can come up with anything I HAVE to do before I'm 30. I have a family, a healthy baby who is nearly a year now (!) and too many blessings to list them all.


And no I never got that graduate degree I talked about.  And no we never moved to Europe.  And no I'm not who I thought I would be.  But I honestly think I might be someone better.  And my first book - short as it is, it still counts - will be available soon and that's a dream I've carried around for so long I can't remember when I first imagined it being part of my life.


***


I wrote that ^^ last night.  Then I woke up this morning to the now familiar feeling of birthday sorrow. You know, the whole I'm a year older, Charlotte will never be a year older sadness.  I have so much to be thankful for and all I can think about is what - and who - I'm missing.


My birthday is almost over, but I think I can turn it around.  We had a nice dinner out and after J puts B to bed (I can hear him reading to him, it's the sweetest thing) we're going to watch a movie while I work on the cupcakes J made for me.




Life doesn't always take the shape we want, but we can - and should - still celebrate the small things.


And I can't forget that my 29th year brought me the brightest light with the best giggle I've ever heard.





Small things.  Big blessings.  So much can change in a year.

7 comments:

  1. HUGE blessings. He is so wonderful, Angela.

    Wishing you a year full of love and comfort and happiness and giggles.

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  2. Gotta love naked babies playing outside!

    Happy Birthday Angela!

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  3. My 30th was a big disappointing turkey, but I've enjoyed each birthday since - I'm 37 now. :) I also had an almost-1-yo on my 30th! That makes it hard to really celebrate in style, for both parents. My husband turned 40 when our youngest was 1 and it was also anticlimactic - but each once since has been better and better. And 30 is still so young! Don't rule out Europe yet, though personally I would take the PNW over Europe any day.

    Can I just say, I would love to nibble on your little boy? He has the most delicious skin, and the sweetest little face. I love seeing his pictures!

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  4. (((hugs))) & Happy Birthday. I too understand that birthday sorrow. Maybe someday we won't feel it like we do now.

    And I chuckled at the pics of B playing outside as lately that is how my litle O plays outside in the water as well. It's just easier! ;) He is adorable!

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  5. I wanted a baby before I turned 30. Hope arrived a month before I turned 29, and I was 30 weeks pregnant with Angus on my 30th. So by my 31st birthday, I finally had babe in arms. Such a good feeling, but I do remember the low feeling as well. The "ohmygodmybabywillneverhaveabirthday" feeling.
    Happy birthday to you, your boy is just a delight.
    xo

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  6. and what a HUGE, small blessing he is <3 Happy birthday!!

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  7. Late, but here. I hope your 29th wasn't too disappointing in the end.

    I'll be 30 in a mere two months. I don't do bucket lists because I prefer to live on the edge with the fun things in life. I wanted to travel and be married and be a mom. I guess those have all been accomplished. Not quite how I expected... that's for sure. :/

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thank you!

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