Sunday, August 5, 2012

restless

I am typing this on my phone and it's late. Pardon any inaccuracies.

I can't sleep.  I spent the day with my sister and her new baby girl then went to my mom's to help wrangle four kids to bed, B included.

My heart is just full from today. Thankful and full. Being with my sister today made me realize I might not be able to have more kids.

I just don't know if I can put my heart on the line again. I don't want to deal with another NICU stay.

I don't want to navigate the uncertain waters of pregnancy.

Maybe B is my only. Maybe I still feel like someone is missing because Charlotte isn't here. Maybe my family is as complete as it's going to be.

My sister's Ali is doing well. She was born at 35.5 weeks.  There are challenges, but she is mighty and fierce with a strong cry.

And today I walked into a hospital room and a NICU without falling to pieces.  That's more than I could do when my sister's second baby was born.

I really should sleep. Tomorrow morning is going to be busy. Four kids, two adults. They outnumber us, but we'll be fine.  It's pure chaos, but we always survive.  And soon we'll have a fifth (eight cousins total on my side, so much fun for B) little one in the pack.  Can't wait to watch her grow up.


1 comment:

  1. Oh sweet Angela, I could sense your restlessness with your words. If you want my absolute unsolicited opinion, I totally think you have at least one more in you. I know you do.
    xo

    ReplyDelete

thank you!

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