Thursday, October 11, 2012

what's a mama to do?

On Sunday I had to fetch Bennett from his class ten minutes into service because he wouldn't stop crying. Today I managed ten minutes of my workout (had only made it to the hot tub so far ...) before I had to hustle into the locker room, rinse off, change and fetch a crying Bennett.

By the time I got to the child watch room he had settled down. I watched him for a minute as I tried to decide what to do. Change again? Go home? When Bennett set his head down on a toy and wailed I decided to head home.

Every time I drop him off at church or the gym he cries. I hate leaving him in such a state, but he has settled. Although lately there has been no settling. Bennett throws down until I get to him. I'm talking crazy, choking, coughing crying.

When I picked him up this morning one of the caretakers noted that he was wheezing. I explained that he might have asthma, but it's too soon to tell. When he gets overexcited or worked up he tends to wheeze, but it's nothing to worry about.

And then - oh this is terrible - I got frustrated with Bennett. I know it's not his fault he is always sick or rashy or wheezing, but it's so tiresome always having a sick kid with millions of allergies. That frustration combined with my frustration at his inability to handle child watch, and it was all made worse by the fact that I was wearing a damp sweatshirt and soaking wet flip flops.

Just outside the child watch room is a seating area with a fireplace. I set Bennett down to watch the fire while I dried my feet and put my socks and shoes on. He is really into light right now (he points at lights and lamps all day long) so he was quite happy to sit and chatter with the fire.

As I sat there I wondered if we should keep trying him in his class at church and child watch at the gym. We bought the membership with the idea that we would work out together or with friends a few times a week. If Bennett can't handle being away from us our entire plan is out the window - which is part of having kids, I know.

Bennett has no problem setting off on his own at a birthday party, but I better not choose to leave him. He is so independent I forget he's just 13 months.

I hate handing over a screaming clinging baby, but I think it's good for him to learn how to be away from me. I feel like if I don't follow through, or if I quit trying, the situation will only become more difficult. It's not an easy choice.

My patience is just fried today. Before we left this morning Bennett dumped a nearly full bag of gluten free puffs all over the nursery floor. It was my fault for leaving them in his diaper bag, but did he have to grind them into the carpet with his dancing baby feet? And I still have a vet appointment to get through this afternoon ...

Tough day. Not as tough as the easiest grief filled day, but still tough.


  1. My recommendation is to keep the "leaving" him to brief times at this stage. Maybe not at the gym; it's hard to get a workout in 10 minutes, after all. Can you leave him with Daddy for an hour in the evenings to go to the gym?

    It will come. Church nursery - leave him for a few minutes, and then come back. He will learn that you always come back. He also may learn that he has more fun in the nursery than he does sitting in the service with not much to play with.

    This is very very normal for his age. He screams when you leave him because he's 13 months old. It's just what they do. It will pass. It might take a year or two, but it will pass.

  2. 13 months was the peak of separation anxiety for my son. It was tapering off by 15 months, and it almost never happened after 18 months.


thank you!


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