Saturday, December 22, 2012

third christmas

I'm in a cinnamon roll coma. It's been a few hours since I had one, I think I need to have another. Keep the sugar high rolling along. Brunch went off without a hitch this morning. I'm getting pretty good at this cooking/hosting thing. I feel so adult, having Christmas for J's side of the family at our house.

I can't believe this is our third Christmas without Charlotte. When I write out the gift tags, I wish her name needed to be penned. When I stack the presents by the tree, I see the empty spaces. When I think about what a two and a half year old girl may like, I wonder what my two and a half year old would want. Life without her is constant wanting and wishing. I cried in the kitchen yesterday when that feeling of someone important missing suddenly and unexpectedly washed over my soul.

Darling, darling Charlotte girl,

You are loved. You are missed. You are remembered. Merry Christmas, baby girl.

Love you to the moon and back.



  1. Oh how I understand!! My sweet Noah would be 2 & 1/2 & this is our 3rd Christmas without him too. I've been very teary-eyed lately wondering the same things you have about Charlotte. Our kiddos would be having such a fun time this year with their ages. Huge ((hugs)).

  2. It's so weird that you posted a dove today. Doves have been on my mind all day- they remind me of Eva. I think that even if this is our third Christmas without our girls, we still need to be forgiving of ourselves and allow ourselves space to grieve and love our girls. Merry Christmas!


thank you!


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