Thursday, September 26, 2013
I was walking out of Costco this morning with Bennett in the front of the cart chattering away about the smiley face the person on the door drew on our receipt. I was thinking about the beautiful coolness of the weather, the man with 100 cans of diet soda and a bottle of honey in his cart (really, that's all you needed to buy and you decided to come to Costco?) how embarrassed I would be if anyone I knew saw me as my outfit was firmly in the 'nothing fits anymore category' .... just drifting, drifting, drifting when Bennett called out, "circ!"
"Yes! Good job, that's a circle!" I said nodding as he pointed to the smiley face on the back of the receipt. Bennett is learning so much so quickly I can hardly keep up right now. Daily he says a word or names a concept I didn't know he had grasped. When stringing together two, or three, or sometimes four words Bennett speaks slowly and deliberately, focused on making himself heard and understood.
A bee dive bombed us relentlessly as we weaved to our car. I swatted at it, which made Bennett laugh, but I told him it was no laughing matter. I'm terrified of his first bee sting. I have a feeling he's allergic so I do everything I can to prevent one from happening. I loaded everything into the car and then headed to the next store on our list. After I parked I lifted Bennett out of his car seat and set him on the ground.
"You can walk, but you have to hold my hand because we are in a parking lot."
"No!" He turned and wrapped his arms around my legs. "Hold."
I bent down and lifted him into my arms. "Okay, I'll carry you in, but then you have to sit in the cart. I can't carry you all the time right now."
Bennett wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. He is so affectionate. Bennett is a boy on the run, but he loves his quiet cuddle times. Even at two he needs holding in the morning and snuggling in the evening. Bennett is busy, busy, busy, but he loves the quiet times throughout the day when we sit on the couch and read with a blanket tucked around our legs.
After sidewalk chalk time while I unloaded groceries, lunch and a bath I settled him in his bed for stories, songs and nap. When we painted his room last week we moved the rocker out. I want him to have more room to play, rocking him down for nap wasn't working anymore and it makes more sense to move it into our room for a while. Bennett asked me to rock him, as he does every afternoon, but I told him no, we would read in his bed.
Naps have been a huge struggle the last few weeks. Lately I've encouraged an hour of rest time in the crib (because he won't stay in his bed) which means 45 minutes of yelling for me and 15 minutes of quiet play time. Today we read then I laid down next to Bennett for songs. I held his hands, sang to him and then waited a few minutes. He fell asleep. 10 minutes of rest for me that resulted in a sleeping boy - victory!
As I put Bennett to sleep I thought about how these are the sweetest moments of my life. Raising Bennett is a lot of fun. I love watching him grow. My days can be long and tedious. I'm at the end of a pregnancy which has made everyone around me throw up their hands and say, "No more!" Sleep is hard to come by. I can hardly breathe the anxiety coursing through me is so powerful. But there are pockets of air. Places of rest. Moments of calm. It's easier than it was two years ago. There are times during the day when I panic and I'm still restless at night. I'm in and out of bed, pacing the house, trying to get comfortable, but there's a little boy asleep in his room - or in our bed - who reminds me that pregnancy ends with the birth of a beautiful soul. And it often ends well.