Sunday, October 12, 2014

on keeping promises


I've been doing as I promised, which is a miracle. I have a  problem with sticking with things and seeing them to the end. (See quitting the diet soda habit. I. just. can't let. go.) The beginning of an adventure is always more fun than the end, right? But I said I wasn't going to add the Facebook app to my phone after resetting it, and I haven't. Sometimes I will access Facebook via the Internet  on my phone after the kids have gone to bed, but I haven't opened it while they are awake, and that is HUGE for me.

I am learning that losing one time filler leads one to immediately seek another, but I'm really trying to stay focused on the important things - like the kids and the house and my people because there won't be second chances to raise them, or love them, or take care of them - and refrain from losing myself in a world that is all about me and my interests. 

You know I'm not saying I hate social media, because that is far from the truth. My love for Instagram is on a par with my love for sweets. I'm not going to give it up because looking at picture of your babies and watching hoped for children grow brings me immense joy. So if you love Facebook, great, I do too, I just love it less because I've come to realize it's often more of a barrier than a gate for me.

I have been immersing myself in the lives around me, which has been an experience, and a blessing. And a couple days ago when I logged onto Facebook and asked people how they are what followed was the best thread on my page in a good long while. I felt connected to people. I felt like we were having a conversation instead of just complaining about little things that only matter in the immediate moment. Because that's what I used to update on a lot: petty annoyances and small frustrations.

I feel less stressed. I feel less anxious. I control what I see and what news I'm exposed to, which helps my overall mood a lot. Ten status updates on the end of the world in the space of an hour was affecting my spirit.

I've been yelling at the kids less. I think. I don't know. You know how some moms are calm and quiet, and some yell? I'm a yeller. I've been trying to follow a motto that equals less yelling: If you are going to yell, don't do it. So the house is a little messy when friends come over because cleaning every inch is going to make me yell at the kids. And some days I read on the couch with B instead of making him have quiet time because trying to enforce it will just make me yell. Three is hard, friends. Three. is. so. hard. And I've been trying to make three a happier year for B, because I feel like so far it's been rough and we've been clashing a lot. So, less yelling, more grace has been the general goal lately.

And staying off Facebook gives me space in my day. Time to read my Bible in the morning, which shapes my attitude and heart for the day. Time to say, "of course!" when B asks me to play with him. Time to check in with friends. Time to connect with people. Time to talk to people who help me be a better mother, wife, and friend.

The years are spinning past so quickly. Ainsleigh is weeks away from her first birthday. B rounded the three corner a couple months ago. Charlotte would have been four and a half now. I don't have much time to pour all of me into them so that they can find Jesus and build a solid foundation before they are on their own in this big, overwhelming, scary world. 

Every day matters. Every long day when we don't leave the house and all I get done is a load of laundry and sixteen games of car races and gun fights. Every short day when we have seemingly endless tasks to accomplish and my temper wants to be short because I'm tired and the kids aren't listening. All of the happy and sad moments that make up an hour matter. My prayer is to use them wisely to pour love into my kids and the world around me.

And now I have to stop writing because Ainsleigh is awake, and my darling girl can wreck a room in about three seconds flat if I'm not paying attention.


2 comments:

  1. Three IS hard (threenagers!) - for me, it's been harder than anything but the newborn stage. However, as we edge nearer to four, it's getting easier. It also seems to be particularly tough with boys, so hopefully Ainsleigh will cut you a break when she's three :-).

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  2. Let a mommy of a 4 & 2 year old speak from experience 3 is so hard. Much harder then 2. But 4 is amazing. They are little people who understand reason & just listen better. Not perfect but better.

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thank you!

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