Six months ago we rented a vacation house with friends. I was pregnant with Ainsleigh. It was August, warm and beautiful. This month we're renting the same house with my family. It's cold and rainy. I love the sound of rain on the roof while dry logs snap loudly in the fireplace.
I'm not pregnant. Ainsleigh is sleeping on the couch. Tiny baby on the biggest couch I've seen.
It's strange to have someone I hoped for so desperately the last time I was here sleeping a few feet away.
This is what I wanted after Charlotte died: living children, a peaceful heart, an intact marriage, happiness. Now the trick is to embrace and enjoy it instead of waiting for it to disappear. There will always be disasters on the horizon. Always. I don't want that inescapable fact to stop me from hearing gratitude in every heartbeat and finding faith in every breath of those I love.