Thursday, January 21, 2010

A baby costs how much?!

I'm one day back from a relaxing trip to Seattle and all of my calmness has disappeared. I woke up in the middle of the night last night with the realization that just a stroller and crib will cost more than we spend on groceries in a month. Way more. Then there's diapers, clothing, formula and on and on and on. Right now I'm half wondering if there's any way to reverse this decision.

I still have four months, plenty of time to buy things and get the nursery sorted out. Two weeks ago I was telling a friend how proud I was of my utter calmness about the whole baby situation. "I'm such a control freak, I thought for sure I would be panicking about the nursery not being ready by now." Two weeks later and those words have come back to haunt me. Today I informed Jonathan that we would not be able to buy anything and our baby would be sleeping in a cardboard box with no blankets, only a diaper, and no name. Now that we're a ways into this pregnancy he was able to calmly reply, "You know that won't be the case." and go back to his video game. I envy him his calm. And lack of hormones.

On top of everything else, we paid our entire bill to the birthing center at our last appointment, because we have the money in a flex account and have to do it in one bulk payment. Jonathan told me would take the money out of savings, file the paperwork, get a check and put the money back in savings. Unfortunately, he forgot to do all his research and didn't realize we couldn't get reimbursed until after the birth. I know our savings account is there for times like this, and that it's necessary to take money out of savings sometimes. All the same, it makes me extremely twitchy to use money from our savings account. I've never been able to wrap my mind around the fact that we use our savings account to save money which we will use at a later date. I believe it should stay in there forever and never be accessed.

Add to this the fact that I've been extremely weepy the past two days, for no real reason at all. Sometimes pregnancy is no fun, no fun at all. But Old Navy has yoga pants on sale and the roll top style fit like maternity pants even though they are not. Now if only I could figure out a way to pass off capri yoga pants as work pants.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I miss The Gap

I went to the Woodburn Outlets today because I wanted to buy a maternity shirt. Yes, just one. Jonathan and I are trying to cut back on expenses but you can only wear the same clothes so many times before you get bored. And now that I'm starting to grow out of Jonathan's clothes, my options are even more limited.

After buying one shirt, despite the salesperson's best efforts, I found myself at the Gap. Before I got pregnant there wasn't much that could keep me away from the Gap. Or at least the one at Woodburn because it's a bit cheaper. I'm only a little ashamed to admit that most of my wardrobe comes from there. I like their jeans, I like their sweaters and t-shirts and I usually don't have to try anything on because I know how the clothes will fit.

When I walked in today I realized how much I miss shopping. I hate that I have so few stores I can shop at now. Especially since maternity clothes are so expensive and I don't want to spend money on something I will only wear for a few months.

I miss my size 8 jeans (will I ever see those days again??) with zippers and buttons. I miss t-shirts that lie flat. I miss all of my old clothes and I can't wait to be able to wear them again. The scary thing is I'm only 21 weeks pregnant. Also known as, halfway there. How am I going to feel in month 8?

I had a similar period of mourning a few weeks ago when I finally faced facts and packed up some of my pre-pregnancy clothes to make room for maternity clothes. After packing away 7 pairs of my favorite jeans I almost cried. I'll never be a skinny girl, but I was perfectly content with how I looked pre-pregnancy. Okay, the thighs could have used some help, but for the most part I was happy. Those who know me really well know this is the part of pregnancy I was dreading. Growing, expanding, gaining weight is not fun for me. I know it's for a good, legitimate purpose, but I really don't like it. And then there's the near constant fear that I will never be what I used to be. Or that I will have to work really hard to get back to my pre-baby weight.

Now I'm sure all of this ties into a deeper set of fears. I'm freaking out about this, because it's easier than facing the fact that I'm going to have a baby in May and my entire life is going to change. I'm giving up my job, which I love, and my days (and nights) are going to be completely different.

I thought I was doing really well with all of the changes in my life. I honestly thought I would be a basket case throughout my entire pregnancy. While I'm not a complete wreck, I obviously don't have it all together either if walking into the Gap makes me sad, nostalgic and weepy.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Perks of Being Married to a Sonographer

I got to see the baby tonight!! Jonathan and I went in to the hospital after hours to try and figure out the sex. The baby was determined to keep that little secret under wraps with a strategically placed umbilical cord and uncooperative legs, but we got to see him or her moving all over the place. And Jonathan showed me where the heart is and I got to see the blood moving through the umbilical cord and the heart.

Jonathan never scans for OB, he's not even trained in it at all, so when Dave, who is also not trained in OB, knocked on the door we had him see if he could find out the sex. He said he eventually got it with both of his sons, but our baby was just not willing to share the information. Hopefully when we go in on the 4th of January we can have a bit more cooperation. At one point we thought it was a girl, but Jonathan eventually figured out we were looking at part of the umbilical cord.

The baby is sitting very low down, with its head in my pelvis and the legs pointing up towards my belly button. It looks as if he or she is ready to come out and join the world already!

Even though I will not use Jonathan's job as a benefit as much as some of his co-workers wives have, it was nice to go in and see the baby. Granted, if something were wrong, we wouldn't be able to tell, but even just seeing movement was nice.

And there's something sweet about saying hello to your baby when it's only you and your husband in a dark ultrasound examine room with a big Christmas tree out the picture window to your left. It was fun, exciting and I got to look as long as I wanted.

Best Christmas present I've had so far this year, and I don't think anything will top it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Christmas Cookies

On Saturday evening we had some people over for a Christmas cookie party. We don't have a lot of great pictures because things were a tad hectic, but here are a few.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Going North

I've started planning our trip to Seattle this January and I am getting excited! Last year we went to the mountains in January and we would be doing the same thing this year. However, winter adventure sports + pregnancy = poor outcome. Usually when Jonathan and I go somewhere we rent a pet friendly house, but for this trip to Seattle we are staying in a hotel. For 3 nights!

Since I do not like to fly, AT ALL, we tend to vacation close to home. I'm afraid Jonathan will stop speaking to me for months if he has to get on a plane with me. I thought about asking Jonathan if we could do Hawaii or somewhere tropical for our January vacation this year. Then I realized two things. 1. I don't like wearing bathing suits when I'm not pregnant. 2. I don't really like the whole tropical thing. I prefer wool socks, stocking caps and gloves. I like rain, snow and sleet. White sandy beaches are nice, but I don't like to swim and I burn easily. Like I said, we tend to stay close to home when we go on vacation.

We got a blind deal on a travel website so we don't know what kind of room we will have, but we know it's at the downtown Sheraton hotel in Seattle. 4 stars - how exciting! We have a few things planned, well, actually, we have a lot planned, but for the most part I want to lay around and relax. I'm always exhausted at the end of the holiday season and each year I look forward to our January escape. This will be our last child free vacation for a while so I am going to put my feet up, order room service and sleep. I can't wait!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

13 weeks tomorrow!

Tomorrow marks 13 weeks for me and I have to say I'm finally starting to feel pregnant. My stomach popped out a few days ago and I had to cave sooner than I thought I would on the maternity clothes front. Thankfully I was able to find some maternity clothes in petite sizes. I was wearing a pair of pants my sister bought me which were just a tad too big still. Now I can walk around work without tugging on my pants every few seconds!

I feel like a good chunk of my brain has gone missing and I'm beginning to think I may never get it back. Before I leave in the morning I have to stop for a second and make sure I have all my clothes on, I have shoes on, not slippers, and I brushed my hair/teeth/put on deodorant. It's amazing to me how easily things slip my mind now. Especially basic hygiene things like putting on deodorant!

I have a prenatal appointment on Monday so I have to keep a food diary this week. It's funny to look back and see what I eat every day. I'm a big fan of toast, peanut butter, carrots, turkey and cheese. I don't think I'm eating the same thing every day, but when I go back and look my diet is pretty plain and boring. I'm afraid I'm not eating enough calories, but we'll see what my midwife says after my next appointment. I don't think I've gained any weight, but I want to weigh in on the clinic's scale and see what it says. At the most I've gained 2-3 lbs. Once I enter the second trimester it will be time to start packing on the pounds.

I will post pictures soon - once I take a few where I'm not wearing sweats or pajamas!

And, so far, I am H1N1 free. I'm still trying to get the vaccine, but Jonathan was able to get his so I am hoping that will help. I've been taking so many vitamins I'm afraid I will turn into one, but it's all worth it if I can stay healthy.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Oh, this blasted H1N1

I've spent the past couple months trying to decide if I should get the H1N1 vaccine or not. A few weeks ago I thought I had my decision made: nope, not going to get it. Then Jonathan came home from work one day and told me it was just too dangerous, I should get it if I could. Here's the problem: I can't get it. If I was seeing an OBGYN for this pregnancy instead of a midwife, I may have a better chance. I can't get it from Marion County Health, even though they received 800 rounds of vaccine this week. Those vaccines were allocated within 45 minutes of receiving them and I got a busy signal every time I tried to call for an appointment.

My mother is certain I am going to get deathly ill if I don't get the vaccine. My father-in-law told me the vaccine is only 35% effective. Is it better to be slightly protected than not at all? With Jonathan working in a hospital, and seeing patients with H1N1, it's likely he will bring it home. We are still waiting for him to get vaccinated. So far the hospital is only offering the nasal vaccine for its workers.

It's worrisome because chances are you will get sick with this strain of the flu, even if you up your vitamin intake, wash your hands, change your sheets often and do all the other things that are supposed to help protect you against illness. I was immune compromised before I got pregnant. Am I doubly immune compromised now?

I generally try not to freak out about things like this, but I've decided to go with the general US mindset on this issue. 28 pregnant women have died so far in the US. Yikes. I'm going to keep doing everything I can do to try and stay healthy, but I work in a bookstore and I see a lot of people during the course of a day.

As an American, and a fairly privileged one at that, I'm not used to being in a situation like this. I think overall it's probably a good experience (as long as I don't get deathly ill) but my goodness is it frustrating. All I can do right now is keep trying to get the vaccine and do my best to stay healthy.


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