Thursday, August 23, 2012


B learning how to walk is by far my favorite milestone. I cannot get enough of his wobbly toddles. He found his Plum rice milk snacks today, proudly walked the package over to me and asked for some. I nearly died. The day he walks over and calls me mama I will be a heap on the floor. I just know it. 

I cannot wrap my mind around how much has changed in a year.

August 23, 2011: False labor!

August 23, 2012:

I can't believe he's mine

Sorry about duplicates Instagram friends. My phone is usually the closest camera.

I will be spending the next few days watching B learn and proclaiming his greatness. You are more than welcome to join me.

What's your favorite baby milestone?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

what a day!

I went to Walmart today (again!) because I had to buy something for Bennett's birthday that I can't find anywhere else in town, and the website said they had it at the far South Walmart.

Before trekking down to Walmart, Bennett and I stopped in at a local place like the YMCA only newer and fancier. I wanted to check membership rates because I really want to get him in the water on a regular basis. He naps so well after swimming at my sister's place and he loves to splash around.

This place, the Kroc Center, is close to our house and darn huge. When I pulled into the parking lot I thought, "oh my word, this place is ginormous. I have no idea where to go! Where is the entrance? Where do I park? I just want to ask a question. Maybe I should come back tomorrow with my Mom."  Then I took a deep breath, parked and followed someone from the parking lot to the main entrance.

It is a very nice facility. I really want to get a membership, but the fees are steep. J and I will have to see if we can swing it. I suppose we could go back to the Y, with pools in the basement, old locker rooms and scary hallways, but the Y is so decrepit, parking is hard to come by and it's about the same every month. This Kroc Center seriously intimidated me. At least I understand the Y.

So after that errand we hopped on the freeway - something I try to avoid - and went to Walmart. I put Bennett in the Ergo so I wouldn't have to think about him falling out of the cart while I was on the hunt for colored sand. I found my way to the toy section and nearly passed out from plastic colored toy overload. I wandered for a minute until I found an employee.

"Can you tell me where the colored sand is? It was listed in stock online, it has to be here somewhere."

"Colored sand? Maybe over here ..."

I followed her up a few aisles. Nope. No sand. She mutters something.


"Over by the pools .."

"Excuse me?"

"It's probably in clearance, over by the pools."

I wait for more information. She stares at me.

"I don't know where that is."

Blank stare.

"I've never been here before."

Blank stare.

"You're going to have to help me out. Please."

"Oh, over here. It's a mess." She walks me over to a disaster zone of toys and gadgets piled in heaps on shelves. "I guess it would be somewhere in here," she waves at the shelves and walks away.

I hunted and hunted and hunted. No luck. I found the crafts section of the store and asked someone in that department if they had colored sand.

"Try stationary."

"Where's that?"

Incredulous look.

I'm sorry, I don't have the layout of this store memorized.

I've never been here.

"By the jewelry counter."

When I failed to find what I was looking for in that aisle I gave up and headed to Target, where someone asked me if I needed help finding anything less than two minutes after I walked in the door. I didn't find what I was looking for, but at least someone offered to help me.

Poor customer service makes me CRAZY. I worked in the customer service industry. I know it's not always fun, but being polite and helping as much as you can is your job. I like shopping at smaller stores because I can walk in, find a person, ask for help and do nothing. I am a lazy shopper and I believe a person employed at a store is there to assist me. That is why I am always polite to sales clerks; I demand, and I expect, a lot. My favorite kind of shopping involves me saying, "I want this," and someone bringing it to me.

What a day! And to top it all off Bennett fell while we were out. He did not want to be carried so I put him down and let him walk, but I insisted on holding his hands. He got going too fast and fell forward onto his knee. If I had let him do it on his own he probably would have fallen on his bottom like he does at home. Fat lip yesterday. Knee scrape today. Having a boy requires fortitude and comfort with blood (which I do not possess).

Of course I instagrammed his hurt knee. Apologies to those who have already seen it:

We ended our busy day by walking all the way to J's work to pick him up. That's nearly four miles round trip.

Bennett is walking!!

He likes to walk with a toy in his hands. Maybe it helps with balance? (We gave him a bottle of Tylenol so he would walk around and we could capture it on video.) Watching him toddle about like a drunken sailor is the cutest thing. This may be my favorite milestone. I squeal every time he takes a few steps. I am one proud mama.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I rarely sort the laundry.

I wish Bennett didn't have so many allergies.

I miss peanut butter.

I hate sticking to a budget.

I wish Bennett could go to sleep without a lot of encouragement. He cannot figure out how to calm himself down enough to fall asleep. Some days he fights so hard before nap I worry he will fall out of my arms.

Every time Bennett falls asleep I check his breathing to make sure he is just sleeping.

Some nights when it's 3am and Bennett is up for the fourth time I cry with him because I'm exhausted and don't know what else to do.

I want to interview everyone who knew Charlotte, even the medical examiner, because I want to know if they remember her. I want to know she mattered.

I'm so tired I pulled halfway into traffic this morning before realizing my light was red.

I hate my mom voice, but I can't stop it.

I'm worried Bennett's first birthday party will be lame because I can't craft. At all.

I like social media way too much.

I still don't understand Twitter.

I'm the mom with the baby standing up in the grocery cart at the store. I'm sorry I forgot the Ergo. Please stop glaring at me.

I love being a stay at home mom. I'm too lazy to get up, shower and be somewhere on time every day.

Monday, August 20, 2012

but what will we eat?

We are up to our ears in Hawaii plans here. I'm really excited about going, especially since I get to do amazing things like a nearly three hour long zipline tour (!!).

I am going to be terrified, but it's something I've always wanted to do. I am avoiding the OPEN DOOR helicopter tour. There is no way I would make it through without losing my breakfast, and sanity.

While everyone else has been planning where we will stay and what we will do I've been thinking about food. I'm such a nerd, I made a food itinerary. I like food and I need it on a very regular basis or else no one will want to be friends with me. While looking at popular breakfast spots near our condo I even considered weaning Bennett before the trip so I can eat well renowned pancakes.

Have you been to Maui? (We are staying in Lahaina.) Do you have any restaurant recommendations? Family restaurants mostly, though J and I are going to sneak away for a date night if we can. I am going to seek out local farmer's markets, and we are going to stop at Costco on our way to the condo after we land. Any other ideas? Food or otherwise?

I am really going along for the ride on this one. When we met to talk about plans on Saturday I was like, "the condo looks great! we have rental cars all lined up? great! our flight is when? great! we're going where what day? great!" There is something to be said about along for the ride tourism, though I did select the zipline tour because zipping through the trees on a line in a harness has always seemed like it would be fun. 

We are so blessed to have this opportunity to go to Hawaii. So.blessed. I can't believe it. This is something we've always wanted to do (and were planning on doing for our 10 year anniversary). I am so grateful to J for his hard work and dedication to his job so we can do things like this. And I am grateful to his family for all the work they are doing to make this trip not only possible but full of adventure and relaxation.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

little mountain goat

We are now in the climb everything phase. It's not even noon and B has climbed on top of his walking toy and to the top of the stairs. First try. He just decided today was the time to head on up.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

august, you tire me

The heat broke with a bit of rain this morning, thank goodness. Sitting on the couch without the window unit blasting cold air is so nice - and quiet.

I've been so sad lately. Unexpected tears sad, you know the kind? August has been hard for me since Charlotte died. I don't know if it's because she was conceived in August and my body just remembers it somehow and misses her, or if it's circumstantial.

August 2010: Three months after she died. I was grieving so hard. I remember it as a very dark and lonely time.
August 2011: Very pregnant with Bennett. Terrified, emotionally spent, worried, in and out of labor, dilated to 5 cm and worried about a quick labor (HA!), sick to my stomach for weeks at the thought of losing another child.
August 2012: Niece born unexpectedly. Maybe baby freak out.

I'm tired too. Of course. Bennett is doing better on the floor. We actually get a solid block of sleep from him before he wakes for mama milk, but it doesn't do me much good because I don't go to bed at 7pm. And he naps really well now, which is so nice. I leave his door cracked during his naps. When he is finished with his rest he crawls to find me which always makes me laugh.

J took Bennett and Isabel to the park to air them out while I slept this morning. Bennett woke up at 5 and would not settle back to sleep, which is typical. Silly early riser. When I put Bennett down for his nap at 8:15 I felt like we had been separated for ages. He felt heavier, bigger, stronger. I can't believe he's almost a year. No, really, I can't. Why must babies get so big so fast? It is fun to watch him grow, but I miss my feather light newborn. Fair warning: I'm going to be super emotional until his first birthday.


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