Little Bird

I got to see the baby tonight!! Jonathan and I went in to the hospital after hours to try and figure out the sex. The baby was determined to keep that little secret under wraps with a strategically placed umbilical cord and uncooperative legs, but we got to see him or her moving all over the place. And Jonathan showed me where the heart is and I got to see the blood moving through the umbilical cord and the heart. Jonathan never scans for OB, he's not even trained in it at all, so when Dave, who is also not trained in OB, knocked on the door we had him see if he could find out the sex. He said he eventually got it with both of his sons, but our baby was just not willing to share the information. Hopefully when we go in on the 4th of January we can have a bit more cooperation. At one point we thought it was a girl, but Jonathan eventually figured out we were looking at part of the umbilical cord. The baby is sitting very low down, with its head in my pelvis and the legs point

On Saturday evening we had some people over for a Christmas cookie party. We don't have a lot of great pictures because things were a tad hectic, but here are a few.

I've started planning our trip to Seattle this January and I am getting excited! Last year we went to the mountains in January and we would be doing the same thing this year. However, winter adventure sports + pregnancy = poor outcome. Usually when Jonathan and I go somewhere we rent a pet friendly house, but for this trip to Seattle we are staying in a hotel. For 3 nights! Since I do not like to fly, AT ALL, we tend to vacation close to home. I'm afraid Jonathan will stop speaking to me for months if he has to get on a plane with me. I thought about asking Jonathan if we could do Hawaii or somewhere tropical for our January vacation this year. Then I realized two things. 1. I don't like wearing bathing suits when I'm not pregnant. 2. I don't really like the whole tropical thing. I prefer wool socks, stocking caps and gloves. I like rain, snow and sleet. White sandy beaches are nice, but I don't like to swim and I burn easily. Like I said, we tend to

Tomorrow marks 13 weeks for me and I have to say I'm finally starting to feel pregnant. My stomach popped out a few days ago and I had to cave sooner than I thought I would on the maternity clothes front. Thankfully I was able to find some maternity clothes in petite sizes. I was wearing a pair of pants my sister bought me which were just a tad too big still. Now I can walk around work without tugging on my pants every few seconds! I feel like a good chunk of my brain has gone missing and I'm beginning to think I may never get it back. Before I leave in the morning I have to stop for a second and make sure I have all my clothes on, I have shoes on, not slippers, and I brushed my hair/teeth/put on deodorant. It's amazing to me how easily things slip my mind now. Especially basic hygiene things like putting on deodorant! I have a prenatal appointment on Monday so I have to keep a food diary this week. It's funny to look back and see what I eat every day. I'm

I've spent the past couple months trying to decide if I should get the H1N1 vaccine or not. A few weeks ago I thought I had my decision made: nope, not going to get it. Then Jonathan came home from work one day and told me it was just too dangerous, I should get it if I could. Here's the problem: I can't get it. If I was seeing an OBGYN for this pregnancy instead of a midwife, I may have a better chance. I can't get it from Marion County Health, even though they received 800 rounds of vaccine this week. Those vaccines were allocated within 45 minutes of receiving them and I got a busy signal every time I tried to call for an appointment. My mother is certain I am going to get deathly ill if I don't get the vaccine. My father-in-law told me the vaccine is only 35% effective. Is it better to be slightly protected than not at all? With Jonathan working in a hospital, and seeing patients with H1N1, it's likely he will bring it home. We are still waiting fo

I'm 10 weeks 5 days and sooo ready for the second trimester. Every time I think I'm done being sick, I get sick again. The nausea is mostly under control, but the throwing up may never stop. At least it's only once a day, at the most. I know there are people who throw up six or seven times a day during the first trimester. I recently started thinking about all the gear that comes with a baby. Oh my is it overwhelming. I'm determined to just get the basics and buy as much used as possible - especially when it comes to clothing. But then I see the cutest sweater and I can't imagine NOT having it a year from now. I suppose it's a good thing Jonathan gave me a budget as soon as the pregnancy test showed a positive sign. There is a part of me that feels like these next few months are my last moments of freedom. I don't think my life will end in May when the baby comes, but it will definitely be a lot different. Last Thursday I spent the entire day in be

Well, I went away for a while because I was afraid I would blurt out our happy news! It has all happened very quickly, but as of today I am 2 months pregnant. And what a crazy two months it's been. I knew almost instantly I was pregnant. I've spent the past eight weeks feeling sick, emotional, weepy and a bit crazy. Jonathan and I had to make a couple big decisions about how we wanted to have the baby and where we wanted to have the baby, which was a little stressful, but I'm feeling peaceful about our decision. Our baby is due May 20th, but since this is my first pregnancy I'm presuming it will take a little longer. It was too strange for me to keep calling the baby in my stomach 'it.' For the past few weeks we've been calling the baby Blueberry and I think Blueberry will be its name until we know the sex/decide on a name. We both desperately want a boy, but wanting something that badly usually means God will challenge you by giving you the opposite

Jonathan and I had a really good time in Ocean Shores with my parents. We went for a long boat ride on the canal, walked on the beach, went bowling and ate at an Irish restaurant. When we went for our walk on the beach the dog and I climbed the rocks. When we were coming down she started going really fast and I had to let go of her so I wouldn't fall. Instead of helping me catch her Jonathan took pictures of me and laughed.

Tomorrow I head back to work after taking a week off. It was wonderful spending a week away from work and it makes me feel refreshed and ready to jump into 4th quarter and the holiday season. I can't believe I am thinking about the holidays already, but that is the retail world for you. Jonathan and I spent a few days camping, then we had a party and then we recovered from the party. We snagged an amazing campsite on the lower McKenzie river. All of the rangers who stopped by said "Oooh, you got campsite #6. That's the best one, we always try to get it when we camp." The campsite was huge and secluded so we were able to let Isabel run wild. We were right next to the river and there was a downed tree that made a bridge to an island in the middle of the river. Isabel spent a lot of time on that log, running across, playing, running to the campsite, playing and on and on. She thought living in the wild for a few days was a great idea. Last time we went camping sh

I have spent the past few days looking for important things I have somehow lost. I spent hours, HOURS, looking for my marriage certificate, or proof of marriage, because I had to renew my license. I ended up having to go to the clerk in McMinnville and get a new copy because I couldn't find the stupid piece of paper. Then I ended up not needing it. Of course. While looking for the marriage certificate I discovered the bag of picture hooks. I was super excited to stumble across those because I have six pictures framed and ready to hang but I couldn't find the stupid hooks. I knew I would have to order more picture hooks because I only had a few, but I had no idea where those few had gone to. Imagine my surprise this afternoon when I pulled the picture hook bag out of its storage spot only to discover it was empty. Why in the world did I take the hooks out? After 45 minutes of looking I cannot find the picture hooks. So I'm going to order a large quantity tonight an

Oh my stars. I do not do well when it gets this warm outside. I'm grumpy, irritated and for the first time in my life I wish we had central air. We have an air conditioner in the bedroom, a window unit, but it only cools that room down. It's 90 degrees outside and it's 9:30. That's just wrong. We've been spending all of our time in the bedroom. The lower part of the house is 85 degrees and it's so hot upstairs I may suffocate soon. I can't believe it's almost time to get ready for August. I turn 26 in a week, (!) we're helping my parents move into their fabulous new house, we're going camping and hopefully having a party on the 15th. We invited lots of people to the party, but haven't received any RSVPs. Maybe people don't RSVP anymore?? I invited a few people from out of town so I understand why they can't come, but I wish some more local friends would be able to make it. I'm paranoid I will be expecting six people,

A few days ago I saw my brother for the last time before he deploys to Iraq. Again. This will be his third tour in six years, but he will be a medic so he should be a bit safer. He said they don't know where they will be exactly, but it will be close to the Iranian border. I can't believe he's been in the Army six years. He joined up right out of high school and his initial goal was two years. Now he's talking about going career, but what he wants to do for a living changes constantly so I'm hoping he won't choose it as a career. I am very proud of him, but I cannot fathom what he has been through. His perspective on the war is fascinating. He talks about how they were trained to enter enemy territory on foot, but in Iraq they were given Humvees. He said it was strange, and impossible, to stealthily enter a compound or village when they were rolling down the road in big, rumbling Army vehicles. He said as a medic they will mostly be treating Iraqi citi

Well, it's 5:00 and I find myself at my usual evening crisis point: What the heck should I make for dinner? This thought is usually followed by: I wonder if I'm a bad cook. I wonder if I'm a boring cook. If I have children will they starve / stop growing / not get the proper nutrition because I don't know how to cook a lot of things? Okay, so these thoughts don't go through my mind on a daily basis, but they are becoming more frequent. I don't like cooking, I know there's a lot of things I don't like because I have a limited range of what I like / can eat, but I do try. I feel like I know a lot of people who can whip up amazing, healthy meals in minutes while I'm still flipping through the recipe book trying to find something that will only take a few minutes to make. Most of my immediate family members think I am an amazing cook. I may be the best on my side of the family, but that's not really something to be proud of. My husband's s

This past weekend Jonathan and I headed for the Cave Junction / Grants pass area to celebrate our 3 year anniversary. I've spent a lot of time over the past couple weeks reflecting on where we were a year ago and being very, very glad that 2008 is behind us. We had a great weekend away. We stayed up at the Chateau at the Oregon Caves which was serene and provided some much needed rest for both of us. We went on a couple hikes, toured the Oregon caves, toured a nearby tree house bed and breakfast (it was as weird as it sounds) and took a jet boat ride up the Rogue River. The economy in Southern Oregon seems to be a lot worse than it is up here. We saw people walking, hitchhiking and sitting on the side of the road asking for money everywhere we went. I have to admit, Jonathan and I have not really been affected by the poor economy. We both have fairly stable jobs, we have a bit in savings, we've bought a house and a car recently and we are quite comfortable. It was a bit

The day before Jonathan left for Washington I switched my thyroid medication. Oh, wow. I probably shouldn't have done that while I was living alone. I've been hanging out in the zombie zone for the past few days. I may call my doctor tomorrow because I am exhausted, sick and quite loopy. I sleep for 9 hours, but can barely get up in the morning. I keep slurring my words at work (sorry to the new hire I am training right now!) and I cannot seem to put my thoughts in order. And now, tonight, I've started throwing up. Once I hit the throwing up, or weeping stage, that is it. It's time to call the doctor and make sure he knows what the heck he's doing. Chances are, he does. It's just a nasty time when you mess with body chemicals and hormones. I've been on the same medication for so long I forgot how unpleasant it was to feel this way. And I'm so irritated and I don't think before I speak. Maybe I should've taken a week off work before doi

A few days ago Jonathan and I were arguing about whether this is the right time for us to buy a dishwasher. We would have to use a bit of savings to do it because we are putting most of our money in our savings account right now in a desperate attempt to spend less. I was dead set against dipping into our savings, while Jonathan thought it was fine because we've been planning on purchasing a dishwasher since we moved into the house and the one we wanted was on sale. As our discussion escalated Jonathan tossed out a brilliant tidbit: "Our savings exists so we can buy things!" Now, this may not seem like a shocking statement to most people, but for me it was a huge Ah-Ha! moment. When we first got married we had no money. Heck, we had less than no money. Jonathan's parents paid most of our rent and we went over to their house for dinner a lot. It was a very lean, very scary time for us. Now that we are more financially secure I am paranoid of regressing back to

The past couple days we've been taking Sam's dog Slate to a park in Keizer so he can learn how to swim. It is so funny watching a dog try to figure out how to swim. By day 2 he was swimming like a little seal. He still won't get in the river, but he doesn't mind the lake we found. The video quality isn't great because we took it with our camera, but you can still see how great he's doing. Isabel is the other dog in the video. She doesn't care what Slate does as long as she can keep swimming and fetching! Here is one of his first attempts And here he is on day two swimming like he's done it all his life. Okay, he's not that good, but he'll be doing really well by mid-June.

This has been a crazy month. I can't believe June is almost here, although I am loving the warmer weather. My mom was in China for two and a half weeks this month (she arrived home safely on Friday!) and the direct result of her absence was my life speeding up a lot. My sister relies on my mom to help her with nearly everything and with my mom being in another country, much of that fell on me. I don't mind helping my sister out, but it is exhausting. My nephew is 2 and a half now and he has lots to say about the world and his life. I loved spending so much time with him, and I was given a new name, (Nana Annie) but at the end of our days together I found myself ready for a book, some ice cream and a bit of couch time. On Sunday Jonathan and I went for a hike with my dad and the dog. We went all the way up to the base of Hoodoo only to discover the hike we really wanted to do was still completely snowed in. We went back down to Detroit and hiked the Breitenbush trail. W

This week has been a long and tiring one. On Friday night we had our first wedding of the season! Jonathan's friend Dan got married at the Grand Ballroom in McMinnville. It was a wonderful wedding, lots of fun, good food, I am so glad Dan is happy, but I am exhausted. Jon was in the wedding so the week leading up to the big day was very full for him. It seems like Jon, Sam and Dan were out every night enjoying Dan's last few nights of singledom. After the speeches I was walking down to the restrooms when Sam came up beside me. He started talking about how his two best friends were married now and how sad he is. Then I asked him about his ex, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. While Sam and I are fairly close (I see him at least once a week, if not more) we're not close enough that I can ask him what the heck happened with his last girlfriend without him giving me an opportunity. Well, opportunity knocked and I took it. We stood outside the rest

Last week we got really, really good news. Jonathan was picked to go to the national echo cardiogram conference in Washington DC in June. Basically this is a big convention where techs and doctors can learn about new tools, machines etc. Jonathan will be gone from June 5th - June 10th. I'm happy for Jonathan because the higher-ups at the hospital wanted to send somebody with seniority, but the direct managers convinced them that Jonathan had a lot of influence and had done a lot for the department. And he gets to go with his good work friend and I know they're going to have lots of fun causing havoc all over DC. I'm really happy for me because I LOVE having time to myself and I haven't had any since the year we were first married and that was only for a couple days. I love my husband to pieces, but sometimes it's wonderful to have a few days alone. With Jon out of town I don't have to cook, I don't have to do nearly as much laundry (until he comes back)

My dog, Isabel, is a genius. Or at least as smart as your average 2-year-old. The other day I was talking to Jonathan about the dog and who was going to take her outside to play. I spelled the word "out" because I knew if I said it she would be immediately ready to go and would get over-excited. When Isabel gets excited about going somewhere she follows you around the house and yawns. I'm not kidding. Her immediate response to going somewhere is to yawn and yawn and yawn until you put her in the car. And her yawns get bigger and bigger and bigger until you're pretty sure her jaw is going to unhinge if you don't get her outside. So we try not to say any words that may trigger this until we are absolutely ready to go. Unfortunately certain actions also start the yawning process (putting on shoes or jackets) AND she can now understand some of the words we spell them out. And so the other night when I spelled "out" I was shocked when she jumped up a

I didn't realize it's been so long since I posted. The weekends have been so nice I've spent most of my time outside recently. This past weekend Jonathan and I went to the beach. It was our first trip of 2009 and it was very Oregon-beach-like. It was really sunny on our way to Lincoln City but as soon as we hit the town it fogged over and things got cold and windy. I had visions of lying on the beach in a t-shirt while the dog and Jonathan played around. Instead I curled up behind a log and tried to read while the wind whipped around me. I don't know why I was hoping for a warm day on the beach in Oregon in April. Hope springs eternal, I suppose. Jonathan spent his time playing in a stream and throwing the Frisbee for the dog. Yes, he is 27 (since Monday!) but he still enjoys the simple things in life. He used rocks, sticks and sand to divert the stream and create new pathways. The dog enjoyed laying on top of, and therefore ruining, all of his new little str

I found that elusive copy of Little Bee!! While straightening the ARC shelves in the staff room yesterday I found the slim little book. Good thing I decided to clean out my office and then got distracted and decided to clean up the staff room.

There's a book titled Little Bee I really want to read right now. It's in the book store in hardcover and it's selling pretty well. I know an advanced copy came in before this book was published. I know I read what it was about and I thought I put it back in the box and decided to pass because I wasn't in the mood for something so serious. Now it's getting great reviews, people are recommending it, I want to read it and I can't find it. I searched the staff room at the store, I looked next to my desk, and I looked all over my house. Sometimes I take advanced copies home without even realizing it. It's like a compulsion. I also have this strange little book hiding habit. It's not intentional, nor do I realize I am doing it most of the time. I just tend to put books in what I consider a safe space and then wonder why I can't find them. There are a number of books I know I saw the advanced copy for, I remember holding them in my hand, and yet

Time seems to be speeding up these days. I can't believe it's already March 13th! This means my brother is 24 and April will be here before I'm ready. On March 16th I have my biyearly check-up with my endocrinologist. Have I mentioned how much I love this man? He keeps me alive, and sane, I kid you not. During this appointment I am going to switch my medication. This is the first step, out of about one thousand, on the road to having a baby. Or maybe this is the 2nd or 3rd step? My endo. and I have had this plan in place for at least 2 years, if not longer. Every time I go to his office he asks me about my family planning timeline. The first two times I wrung my hands and nearly cried. After that I was able to tell him I wasn't ready yet. And then during my last visit he forced me to talk about when I would be ready. He very kindly explained to me that I have to switch my medication and we need to know how I react to this switch long before I am pregnant. I

I've been feeling pretty good about what I've accomplished in my life lately. Most of these victories are superficial, or just plain stupid, but I'm still going to give myself a pat on the back. - When I first started straightening my hair I had to focus and it took me at least 35 minutes. On Monday I straightened my hair, ate an English muffin and told my husband what laundry could be dried ALL AT ONCE. That's me multi-tasking at my best. - My husband would be upset with me if he knew I was putting this up here, but he doesn't read this so it's all good. In the winter Jonathan gets dandruff and he's always used Head and Shoulders to control the problem. However, it doesn't work because it covers up the symptoms. This year I made him shampoo from essential oils and it's working!! Lately I have learned that the recommended treatment is not always the right treatment. This of course can apply to any and all aspects of my life. - I have been wor

In our house the laundry area is in the basement. When I do laundry, which is a lot since Jonathan goes through at least two outfits a day, I try my hardest to bring the laundry upstairs when it is dry. If I don't bring it up it stays downstairs in baskets or the dryer and that corner of the basement becomes our closet. Jonathan does not mind this nearly as much as I do. For the past few days he has been heading downstairs every night to get scrubs for the next morning. Why he doesn't bring everything up at once I will never understand. Since I don't have a pajama-like uniform to wear to work every day I have to think about what I am going to wear. I absolutely hate going down to the basement in the morning. The entire house is freezing because we turn the heat off at night and the basement is about 10 degrees cooler. I have started sending Jonathan to the basement to fetch clothes for me. You would think all these trips up and down our hellish basement stairs (the

I've spent the past five days feeling awful. Today I stayed in bed and read from 8-10. Then I went upstairs, curled up on the floor in a pile of blankets next to the heater and watched an Ace of Cakes marathon on the Food Network. I didn't sleep very much last night and I feel horrible. My energy level is super low and my right hand tremor has returned with a vengeance, but my heart rate is way lower than it usually is. When my thyroid levels go off balance my heart rate is usually the first thing to alert me to a change. Since that's not happening, I'm not sure if the reason I'm feeling ill is because of the usual culprit, or if it's something else. I walk a fine line between being well enough to function and too ill to do much besides sleep. With medication I've been able to stay fairly healthy for the past 3 years, but I haven't felt completely well for about 6 years now. This week is going to be a good one and I don't want the good parts to

Yesterday I went up to Portland to visit my sister and nephew. My sister had to run some errands and one involved seriously complicated directions so I went with her instead of staying at home with Ryan. After our first errand was completed (picking up Ryan's new motorbike in North Portland!) we headed to Emanuel hospital so my sister could pick up some of Ryan's records. The motorbike didn't fit perfectly, the gate was ajar a little bit, so my sister wanted me to stay in the car and wait for her. Ryan and I played 'camera' and chatted about life and his new bike. He still has at least a year before he can ride it but he likes to touch the wheel and say biiiiiike. The records my sister needed cost around $50.00 and she forgot her checkbook at home so I had to write one for her. Once we were done at Emanuel we headed to the bank so my sister could pay me back. While she ran into the bank Ryan and I once again guarded the bike. I was sitting up front, listening

I disappeared for a while there. This is going to be a short post to say I am ready to start writing again. January is a notoriously bad month for me. I get in a funk and I stay in a funk for most of the month. What's funny is every January I wonder why I'm in such a bad mood all the time and why I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep. Year, to year, I conveniently forget how dreadful January is for me. We did go on a vacation this January which helped me wallow a bit less. The reason for my sad month is something I am going to keep to myself for now. For me January is a time for reflection, a time for remembrance and a time for sadness. Now I have wiped away all my pathetic tears and I am ready for 2009. And I am ready to stop typing January.

This past Sunday I made the colossal mistake of saying I wasn't sure I wanted children to my sister when my mother was in my house. I didn't think she was in hearing range, but the conversation (it was more of a lecture, actually) that occurred the following Thursday reminded me that mothers are always in hearing range. On Thursday I took my mother out to lunch because she was going to drive me to Vancouver, WA to pick up our new car. It's a 2008 Subaru and I am unashamedly in love with it. I took her out to Burgerville because it's local-ish and if you're going to eat fast food you might as well eat the best you can find. As soon as we sat down my mother said, "Are you sure you don't want to have children?" Oh, Lord I thought. She's been stewing over this since Sunday. That means she's had days to come up with arguments and reasons why I should have children. After that opening volley a 40 minute conversation, of sorts, was had. She di

Our Internet has been spotty for the past two weeks so I've been blogging from work on my lunch break. Fair warning: I've got lots to say. First off - I watched Mamma Mia New Year's Eve and I LOVED it. It's not a very good movie, but at the same time it's too excellent to watch only once. I wish I would've watched it when my husband wasn't around so I could have the full experience, but I can (and will) watch it again. The DVD even has a sing along option! I have to admit, I listened to a lot of ABBA in high school and this movie brought some old memories back. My best friend in high school loved the song Dancing Queen so much she wanted someone to wake her up on her 17th birthday with that song. So I did. We jumped on her bed and danced and sang until the song was over. We were both 17 and life was grand and rather uncomplicated. I haven't thought of that moment in YEARS, but as soon as that song started playing it all came rushing back. One thi