Little Bird

In an attempt to save my sanity I took a whole bunch of pictures of our day.  Single parents: consider yourself admired.  J doesn't work long hours and this working weekends now and again thing isn't permanent, but it is hard.  I just have to remind myself we are blessed to have this opportunity, and someone who works hard to provide for us. Reopened the wound above his eye last night. A maybe scar has now become a definite scar. We visited J at work for lunch.  B loves this lobby area. It has a water wall (I don't know what else to call it) and a fake fireplace to watch. They have water walls all over the hospital. B is in love with them.   If you need to entertain a cranky baby just wander around a hospital for a while.  It's a fascinating place for a little one.  There's even a fish tank in our hospital's cafeteria. I introduced B to the importance of brushing his teeth  tooth this evening. AND

I bought a new skirt at Target the other day.  It's a super simple black maxi, but I love it.  I've only worn it once, but it was so comfortable it has received favorite status. You all know fashion is a language I don't speak, but I want to wear less boring clothes some of the time and I thought this was a decent first attempt. I want to curl up and cry today.  This being a mom deal is hard sometimes.  And J is working a ten hour shift at the hospital tomorrow, which means Saturday laziness is not an option this week.  I should stop whining and feel sorry for him.  He worked a twelve last Sunday, worked five days - three of those out of the office visiting patients on a nearby reservation, at the prison etc. - and he's back at it tomorrow. B and I are going to hit up the farmer's market tomorrow.  And then maybe we'll have a mama/baby lunch out, or something.  I need to break up the day a little bit or else we'll both go crazy.  I can only chase h

This evening I once again spoke to a grief and loss class at a local college.  I feel honored and humbled to share my story.  I appreciate being asked to return so that pastors, future paramedics and nurses can learn about infant loss and its impact. I spoke for thirty minutes about Charlotte and my story and then the class asked questions for thirty minutes.  And they had some good questions.  Revealing my soul in front of people like that is so hard.  I felt like I was going to throw up all day.  I write about being honest all the time, but when you're forced to do what you say , shoot, it's hard.  I'm so drained, but I feel blessed beyond measure. At the end of the question and answer time the instructor asked why I was there.  What motivated me to speak about my grief to a grief and loss class? I answered briefly - it's my way of parenting Charlotte, of lessening the silence around infant loss etc. - but as I walked through the softly falling rain to my car

Here's a quick garden tour to brighten your day!  I am so proud of our little food garden.  I know, it's pathetic that I find excitement in something people did for survival fifty years ago. And I'm being super obnoxious by referring to it as urban farming.  Tell me, when did gardening become urban farming?

I have spent the last few days knee deep in editing.  And chasing Bennett around.  He is SO busy. Yesterday at the store the clerk said, "Is he always like this?"  I was trying to pay and keep Bennett off the conveyor belt (those cart buckles are a joke).  "Yes, he is.  He's busy." I replied as I held Bennett down and shoved my debit card back into my wallet. after a tumble in the living room yesterday. yes, that's blood on his shirt. End of summer is still my goal for completion of the eBook.  I think the editing portion is finished, but there are quite a few other things that have to be done before it is available.  We're close, and I'm excited, though excitement feels like the wrong emotion.  I am excited to share it, but I am not excited so many people need a resource like this. The book is now eleven chapters (everything from saying goodbye (chapter one) to the postpartum period (chapter four) to a father's perspective on grief (c

Charlotte, If you were here I would tell you,  "Stop bugging your brother." "Please listen to mama.  Daddy is working and it is raining so we are stuck inside.  I need you to listen." "Would you like to color a picture?  We can take it with us when we visit daddy for lunch." You would be fierce and fiery and busy. Maybe I just feel that way because your brother is fierce and busy.  He doesn't have the fire, though.  Least not yet. If you were here I would not let you see me eating chocolate chips at 8:45 in the morning because it took me forty minutes to rock your brother to sleep and they were sitting on my desk when I came upstairs to write this.  I'm not one to leave chocolate chips lying around, even at an early hour.  You wouldn't be either. Since you aren't here to make a ruckus and fill the house with a two year old's energy I have to construct you.  I have to imagine the impossible to have what I want: you and y

I am enamored by this.  Completely smitten.  Urban farming is big in this town, can ya tell? J said, "It's like the street of dreams for chickens." He also said, "We're not going." Wait, what? It raises money for Habitat for Hens, which builds coops for families in need. It only costs $8! We would have chickens if I didn't mind cleaning up after them. And if we ate eggs.

This was not easy!  As requested, here is a list of favorite baby items: Ergo : I have a Sakura Bloom sling, a Moby wrap, and an Ergo.  I liked the sling and wrap when Bennett was a newborn, but now that he's older I love the Ergo. ( Ergo Baby Carrier Black with Camel Lining )   I don't feel like I fully mastered the sling or wrap, I just don't seem to have baby wearing skills, but the Ergo is versatile and easy to use.  If you're going to buy one baby carrying device purchase the Ergo, even if the cost makes you hesitate. Sleep sacks : Halo ( HALO SleepSack 100% Cotton Swaddle, Cream, Small )  is the most popular sleep sack brand, but there are plenty of other options. We used Halo and Carter sleep sacks when Bennett was tiny and it was cold outside.  Throughout the spring we used a lightweight Aden and Anais sleep sack. ( Aden by aden + anais 100% Cotton Muslin Sleeping Bag, Mod Turtle, Medium )   I like knowing he is warm and comfortable without worryi

1. I spent way too much time this morning sprucing up my contact icons (twitter, facebook, etc). 2. Last week I re-structured my email accounts.  I linked all of my accounts so I wouldn't have to check more than one.   When I didn't receive any email from the blog's account I didn't think anything of it.  This morning I learned that the "link all accounts" button did not do its job.  If you email, I respond.  I promise. And I usually do so within a few days.  I know how hard it can be to write an email when you're grieving. I'm sorry if you've been waiting on a response, I am nearly caught up now. 3. I'm behind on everything . 4. Bennett is going through a very intense mama phase.  VERY INTENSE.  I feel very, very loved, but I also feel very, very tired.  After months of refusing to sleep anywhere but his crib, he now spends most of the night in our bed.  Apparently we're bed sharing now ... ? 5. After a difficult morning I wrapped

We were planning to hit the zoo with B's cousins today, but two miles past the overflowing parking lots we were in the high hills of Portland with no parking in sight so we decided to ditch our original plan and find something else to do. Since we were in the West Hills I suggested the Pittock Mansion grounds for a picnic.  Pittock Mansion is gorgeous, I haven't been inside in years, but it's fun (and free) to spend time on the grounds. I don't know if it's us, or circumstances, or us, but when we go places with B's cousins it's always a comedy of errors.  My sister-in-law had jury duty today so our entourage consisted of her sweet baby, my mom, B, me, my sister (due in August, how will we manage another little one?) and her two kids. Part of our traveling issues center around my sister and her inability to leave home without half of her belongings.  When her third little is born I think she should bring a pack animal everywhere we go just to schlep h