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Showing posts from May, 2019

year nine

It is 5 days post Charlotte's birthday. I haven't had a moment to sit down and write before now. I'm not even sure I wanted to. But this is the space where I did most of my grieving so it feels odd to let Charlotte's birthday pass without some mention.  I was doing SO well - flying high the week before her birthday, feeling like I was doing GREAT. Even the day of wasn't so bad. I didn't even cry. Not on Mother's Day, not on the day after, not on her birthday, the 14th. That was a first. Then the 15th came and I deflated. I have wanted to spend the last five days flat on the floor with zero interactions or disruptions. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't understand why I have to feed the kids three meals and two snacks every day. Basic tasks feel insurmountable. This morning before church I stretched out on the bed after breakfast even though I knew it was a bad idea. Get up, I implored. Get up, get dressed